Uncomfortable

Read this first:

From: Dorothy
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 2:00 PM
To: Witch
Cc: Wizard
Subject: This Weekend

Witch,

If you are uncomfortable with me taking Scarecrow to to practice on Saturday and her game on Sunday I would be happy to get her ready for you both on Saturday and Sunday for you to take, I just want to make things as easy as possible for everyone, just let me know what you'd like to do and what time you'd like her to be ready and if you'll be taking her to the tournament on Saturday afternoon or bringing her back home.

Thanks
Dorothy

Wizard - let us know if this is a problem for you.

Now read Bottom to top


From: Witch
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 4:35 PM
To: Dorothy
Cc: Wizard
Subject: RE: Communicating

I apologize that I don't ask you what's going on when it involves you. I have never made the parent comment to you because that is an issue for Wizard and I to deal with. I have said repeatedly how much the girls appreciate you being there and what it means to them. I also appreciate that you care enough to be there for them. It's not the I prefer to be there over you or take them over you...I just want Scarecrow to know that now that she is active in competitive sports that she is as important as Lion has been. I say the parent comment to Wizard for that reason only. I am upset yes that on the HOO Contact List you were listed as a parent...I did not make that a secret....could it be alternate number, whatever...the soccer and Scarecrow softball distro was mearly that I wasn't told. It's all about respect end of day. I don't like to have to sit at soccer and answer questions about what's that about and again at an out town tournament cornered by 10 people. It's uncomfortable for me and I don't even know what to say....so all I asked at that point was for some warning that's it or you know end of day it's not that hard to hit the forward button. I am really trying also and it's just hard for me as you can imagine dealing with that non stop. You should talk to the other moms they aren't my FRIENDs they are people I know...softball I am just getting to know. I have also been nice to you and say hello to you at games. Honestly, the behavior at the tournament in Lancaster between you and you and Carol really turned me off and put me in a position to say you know what there is no need to rub peoples faces in things at every opportunity, so I hold my tongue and be civil. I don't want to argue with you and honestly don't have the energy...I am glad you care / love my kids...they deserve to have that in a step-mother. I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't say negative things. I try and focus on what's important your relationship with my kids. I cannot allow Wizard to continue to degrade and disrespect me though because of your feelings...he says he see me at games...what sitting in my chair...really... The only time I have asked Wizard and not you directly about your past is when Lion was questioning me about the things you supposedly told her. I don't know the answers we have never shared those and I didn't want to say something wrong or whatever. I didn't ask you because it's not my place honestly and I don't want it to be uncomfortable for you. Peoples past are their pasts and not always things they are proud of, or care to rehash...we have all been there. If circumstances were different it wouldn't be my business and that is why I didn't ask you directly. I just wanted the abridged version to answer questions... I believe I expressed my concern with your actions in the email today to you both. I think the engagement has made inappropriate things take place and I needed to get it off my chest in hopes that the realization that it was happening would make it stop. That's all. I do respect you and will from this point forward say hey you know what great that your engaged, but don't need to sit twirling your ring in my face. We are divorced for a reason you know.... I will not be picking Scarecrow up for Saturday practice as I will be with Lion in Beavercreek...Sunday you can bring her...it was never about you taking her it really wasn't it was about her having her Mom and Dad there that's all. It's not about the ride it's the my Mom or Dad think I am important too...I don't want you not involved...end of day this was about Scarecrow and what I feel is important to a child as it was important for me growing up that when we had a sports conflict one of my parents were there to say ohhh my god awesome catch...that was beautiful. so I will see you in Worthington. End of day...I appreciate what you do to help Wizard with the kids and how well you treat them and that's all that matters to me. See you tonight.

Witch

From: Dorothy
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 3:40 PM
To: Witch
Cc: Wizard
Subject: RE: Communicating

I have said MANY times that I will never try to be there mother, they already have one, period. You say you call me a partner and yet you never once ask ME about what's going on when it involves me, you never once tell me that you feel a parent should be there and you have never once said 'hey Dorothy, I'd prefer to take Scarecrow to her practice and her game', no instead, you talk to Wizard, which as the other parent you should BUT if you're calling me a partner then treat me like one...TALK to me, you haven't spoken to me since we got engaged, you're upset that I'm on the distribution lists for the teams but yet you call me a partner, as a partner shouldn't I be on those lists so I know what's going on? All I can say is that I'm trying, I really am, I don't talk to any of the other moms because well...they're your friends and I respect that, I support your kids, I try to talk to you and be nice to you and in the last month you haven't said anything to me at a game, only when we're at home...all this doesn't matter, it really doesn't, I'm not going to argue with you or prove points because well, it's pointless...I will say this, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you whether you believe that or not and I care about your kids...actually, I love them and want only the best for them. All I'm asking for is...if you have something negative to say about me, my life past, present or future say it to me not Wizard, ok? Can you show me that respect? I'll have Scarecrow ready for you Saturday morning, you can pick her up and take her to practice, I'll have her ready for the game on Sunday as well, you're right she deserves a parent to be there so let's give her that..... I have nothing more to say...

From: Witch
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 3:21 PM
To: Dorothy; Wizard
Subject: RE: Communicating

Let's get something straight...most of the stares you get are not created by me...they are created by the immature behavior and actions of you and Wizard. I have only tried to be considerate of you and make you feel welcome. Including Indiana and when ever else I can. I don't stare at you as I have no reason...I don't control what other people, do, say or think about YOU. That is on them and not me. Most of those people I am just meeting also...especially softball, so maybe you need to start taking a look at yourself if you feel they are giggling or whatever. You can do whatever you need to on Saturday and Sunday....I again will say the fact that you will be there is appreciated by both myself, and the girls...so I don't care one way or another whether you are there or not. It really doesn't matter if you are I am a grown up and act like one and have a great appreciation and believe it or not compassion for your situation. My concern is only for Scarecrow and that she has a parent there for the reasons I have stated ...and maybe you nor Wizard get that because you haven't had to deal with it, but that is my right as her mother to feel she should have a parent there for her and the rest of the fan club can grow from there. No one called you and "outsider" on many occasions I have called you our partner...but you are not their MOTHER I am they are not your kids they are mine. I want to be able to rely on you to help us guide them through their journey of childhood into adult hood end of story. End of day I could care less how you feel about me. I am a good mother to my children and have ALWAYS been there and will ALWAYS be there for them whether you like it or not. I don't need you to or particularly care if you like me as long as you keep your opinion to yourself around my children...because believe me the type of person that does the things you have done and continue to do I wouldn't waste my breath on usually...but Wizard has seen something in you and once I respected his opinion and my kids adore you and end of day that is what matters.

Witch

From:Dorothy
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 3:07 PM
To: Witch; Wizard
Subject: RE: Communicating

First and foremost I consider YOUR feelings, the feelings of YOUR children BEFORE I EVER consider my own, I have subjected myself to YOU and YOUR friends stares, comments and giggles at EVERY game and if you think you're uncomfortable try walking in my shoes for a day.
Secondly, I appreciate the communication but will you or won't you be picking up Scarecrow for her practice and game on Saturday and Sunday. Keep in mind I will still be going to the tournament on Saturday and Scarecrow's game on Sunday. I feel as the 'outsider' in the family it's important that I show ALL the children that regardless of how I feel about you that I will ALWAYS be there for them.

From: Witch
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 2:40 PM
To: Wizard; Dorothy
Subject: Communicating

Wizard,

I am also copying Dorothy on this message so we are all clear. I will not be spoken to the way you did to me on the phone or at the game last weekend. Your little blow ups and name calling and general demoralizing behavior I had to deal with for 10 years of our marriage is well past over. I don't have to and will not tolerate that immature in your face behavior now. Like it or not it is not appropriate or acceptable behavior. You can save your yelling, name calling and tone for someone else, but it's not going to be me. Your behavior since our divorce is that of someone that has reverted back to a high schooler at best. Things about you have changed for the positive in ways and in others for the worse. If you want to call me a b…ch…feel free. I have heard them all before, but luckily now they don't affect me as I know that I am a better person as I would never do that to you in our current situation. I have bent over backwards since letting go of the cheating, the lying and games to be nice to you both and came to only want the best for you both. I cannot be expected to sit around and listen to everyone non stop talking about you and Dorothy and what they think and on and on at my childrens games and be happy about it I am sorry. When I tell them I don't want to hear it, it still continues. It does not make my experience at my childrens activities a pleasant one. I know you can care less about what people are saying and good for you, but put yourself in my position….it's not fun to hear about it everywhere I go. I am done with being subjected to childish immature behavior on both of your parts. The twirling of the ring, the commenting loudly enough to be hear "What I am looking forward to the most is the combined income statements", the do you mean "our" house, not just accepting an introduction but putting it out there Wiard's fiance…bottom line is most people believe it's immature behavior and says what's up with that. No one cares and yet they all have something to say and then I have to listen to all of it all the time. I could care less that you two are getting married…seems like a perfect pair to me, you both seem happy, my children are happy and I am happy for that…but when it continues to involve me and be thrown in my face with little to no regard for either of your actions I have an issue. No matter what end of day Lion, Scarecrow and Munchkin are MY children and for that reason alone you should put aside your behavior or hey here is a concept consider someones feelings other than your own. All I ask for and ever wanted is some respect for being the MOTHER of three children that are a huge piece of each of our lives. I don't need the continual slaps in the face like getting engaged in the place we honeymooned and you surprised me and took me back to for our 5 year anniversary. I am sorry you show a complete and total lack of respect for me but to expect me to give it freely to you and to her…hard to swallow. I will continue to force the issue of being involved in decisions that affect Lion, Scarecrow and Munchkin. Just because you are getting married does not make you the ultimate decision makers. I have every right to have their care arrangements discussed with me prior to them changing and the numerous other items that you are beginning to make decisions on without my input. The two of you are creating a family, but three of the members of that family are mine and at the end of the day we are going to need to figure out how to make decisions for our children together for the next 18 or so years. You tell me I am the one that has to sleep at night….I sleep just fine. In my opinion that finger should be pointed right back at you. You get upset because I say our children deserve to have a parent at their functions. Scarecrow has always been made to go to all of Lion's activities and you always "coaching" Lion's teams etc. Then when it is finally her turn to shine she has no parent there for her because we are with Lion…I am sorry I think that is wrong and my heart breaks for her to even think she would at all even think that she is not as important to us as Lion. She has made comments to me about that and I remember that first practice when she wanted me to come. I actually teared up at seeing you out there with her coaching her team even though your just assisting. It was long in coming and she was so excited. I know and am glad that Scarecrow loves Dorothy so much, but end of day I feel as her parents, that one of us should be there for her. I think it's really nice that Dorothy would be there for her but at the same time I don't feel it's fair to her to not feel like we care enough to be there. If you don't understand that and want to continue to call me names and all the other crap…that is your choice, but I will never feel bad for feeling that way. I just won't. All I have ever asked is that you show me the respect I deserve as the mother of our children. Until you both can do that, you can't expect me to be the I love you both so much ex wife who just sits there and takes it all without feeling like I have given way more than I am getting in return.

*** What I LOVE most about all this BS....I'm not immature Wizard and I don't make out in public or anything like that and at games we rarely see each other...he's the freaking coach! Twirling my ring...that one was HILRIOUS....my hands were cold at a game and the ring kept sliding in between my fingers and mine and C's actions...well that was because I was trying to spare her feelings about the engagement so we whispered!

Doubts

Ya, it's all because I'm holding the vibe, I know this but it's been REALLY hard to let go of...each time I think I've 'conquered' something it rears it's ugly head to remind me to clean it up....right now nothing is owrking, Wizard is negative, Witch is a bitch, the kids want nothing to do with me and I'm doubting my decision to marry and move in with Wizard and I'm not sure how to get away from it or at least gain clarity around it....I have ZERO time to myself and I just keep beating the same drum OVER and OVER and OVER....how do I get away from that, how do I find my happy place again when right now in this red hot minute it seems like everything sucks!!!

Every freaking game is like sitting through a gyno appt. it's awful, it's stressful and all I want to do is have fun like I did at TinMan's games, we would laugh and watch the game it was a total blast! This just sucks ass! Last night Scarecrow had a softball game, her first game of the season, she was excited....we were excited for her. Her team played her cousin's team, Cousin's parents are Wizard's brother and SIL (love her), they have 3 kids total Cousin 1 (10), Cousin 2 (6) and Cousin 3(2), they're all roughly the same age as Wizard's kids (how cute, sarcasm)...anyway, I have trusted SIL for months now and when I say trusted I mean I've vented to her I've shared things with her and I really thought she was someone that I could trust but last night all that flew out the window. I'm not mad at SIL but I'm hurt, really hurt; Witch came and of course Munchkin wants his mom so I let him out of his stroller to go play with her, she loved him and tried to give him back but he wasn't having it, LOL Anyway, SIL seemed a little 'off' even before Wizard got there but when Witch got there they were chatting up a storm, it was weird for me, i felt sort of stabbed in the back because she barely talked to me (SIL) and ever since things have gone south with Witch I was really surprised. I know that I have to change my focus on all this or it's going to continue to 'eat me alive' and make life even worse but it's so freaking hard, I just want us all to be happy in our lives, I want us to have fun together, love and support each other and the harsh reality is that isn't happening....I have so much 'work' to do around this subject...I know I can make this harmonious for myself if I focus on the harmony long enough....right?!

Engaged

On April 30, 2007 under a full moon on a beach in Cancun Mexico........Wizard propsed.....of course I said yes.....for those of you whoe want ALL the details read below.....

Details....I guess what I can tell you is that was totally unexpected.....We got to Cancun on sunday afternoon and I wasn't feeling well and really he wasnt' either...we both had sinus headaches from the trip; so we took some medicine, ate dinner and then went back to our room to unpack, he put everything in the safe, including my ring which I never saw or even thought to look for, We went to bed early...got up early on Monday, spent the day at that pool and he kept telling me all day how special the day was and I kept thinking ummm ya, spending the day in the pool is special....well sort of because it was alone time...oh and dinner the night before was gross and he felt bad even though he didn't pick the resort he felt bad, I kept telling him that as long as we had some alone time I was happy and thankful....so the whole day was great, then we went up to our room and got ready for dinner....he mentioned a couple of times during the day that he wanted to take a walk on the beach...nothing out of the ordinary because we did that in St. Kitts too....so I was like how about after dinner, I bet will be beautiful and he was all over it.

We went to dinner which was MUCH better than the night before and then we went for our walk and we're walking and chatting and he starts telling me how thankful he is to have me in his life, how amazing I am with the kids, how we've overcome so many challenges and then still had the challenge of adjusting to kid life and he turns me around tells me he loves me kisses me and then drops to his knee....I didn't even hear him ask because I kept saying REALLY, ARE YOU SERIOUS and he asked by saying Dorothy, will you make me the happiest man in the world..will you marry me...I almost knocked my ring out of the box because I jumped up and said yes, LOL Then we walked a little further had a few mins to ourselves and headed back to tell the group....hehe