Fwd: Question

This is how I wish it was all the time!!!!!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Dorothy

Date: Mon, Apr 27, 2009 at 2:10 PM
Subject: Re: Question
To: "Witch>

You're very welcome, I know that I would want to share that moment with my daughter if I had one :)  If she doesn't ask me, I won't mention it but if she does I'l remind her that the two of you will be doing it next week!  IF she won't wait I'll have Wizard  record it so you can still share the moment but that is a huge if :)  Would you have Scarecrow take a few pictures when you guys do it?  I know Wizard likes those moments too.  I'm more like Lion , no soap for me OUCH!

 

I didn't see any redness yesterday but when I felt her legs they were prickly, which is how I figured it out, LOL

 

Dorothy

On Mon, Apr 27, 2009 at 2:06 PM, Witch wrote:

Hi there. 

 

Thank you so much for checking with me.  I really do appreciate it.  I told Lion we would do it next week.  The fact that she did it alone kinda ruins the first moment...ohhh.  I would like to show her if it's okay with you, but if she wants to do it this week and doesn't want to wait as I know waiting is hard for an 11 year old, it's okay with me if  you want to go ahead.  Just take pictures if it happens:)  Just another thought if you guys go for it this week...she has sensitive skin (obviously and you know that I am sure) so I think she will need a good razor and sensitive skin shaving lotion!  Unlike me who uses soap ha-ha!

 

I looked real quick while she was changing...seems odd to me that she has razor burn two weeks later...she must have had it bad immediately after!

 

Anyway, thanks again for checking.

 

Witch

 

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From: Dorothy
Sent: Monday, April 27, 2009 1:51 PM
To: Witch

Subject: Question

Hey there!

 

I was going to show Lion how to correctly shave her legs this week but I wanted to make sure I didn't take away a mom/daughter moment between you and Lion , I know there are certain rights of passage that parents want to share with their children and I didn't want to take that away from you if this was one of those moments :)

 

Just let me know, she seemed to do well with the exception of the razor burn.

 

Thanks!

 

Dorothy

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Once upon an evening...

Last night wasn't bad, not too bad at all. I came home to an empty house which is pretty typical when the Oz children are with their mom so I picked up a little and then started on my evening chores. Wizard had let me know that the girls would be coming over to practice since their respective practices got cancelled, fine. I wasn’t thrilled but I wasn’t upset, I was sort of numb about it. They get there, and it’s hi Dorothy and they’re acting sort of out of control, running around, being really loud, not stuff they normally do at our home and I just ignored them; the ‘problem’ was as soon as they were there I got tense and my walls went up, like a giant protective shield and I was short with my answers, didn’t really talk unless I was talked to, I was rude. I can be honest about it, I was really rude. I didn’t look away from what I was doing on the computer much if at all. I’m having a hard time separating them and their actions from their mother, I am having trouble dealing with the fact that their mother exists and that for the rest of my life I’m going to have to deal with her in some sort of fashion. I’m having a hard time finding my positive attitude about having a blended family, well let me rephrase, I’m having a hard time dealing with the ex wife.

Once upon a time she meant nothing to me, her actions, words, prescence did nothing to me, it didn’t spark anger or nervousness it sparked…eh, whatever. Now, very different story, I get nervous, I find myself comparing things I do or don’t do to things she does or doesn’t do, her appearance with mine…it’s really sad, I’ve become someone I’m not, I typically don’t care about this kind of stuff in my past I’ve never cared, I’ve been like eh, whatever but with this person I’m struggling. For example last night Lion asked me if I’d seen her sunburn from the weekend, I said no (how could I, I didn’t see her all weekend, nice of her to notice) and she showed me, I said well I put sunscreen in your dads bag, so you guys had it, she was like oh I didn’t know that; so Wizard walks in on the end of the convo and says that’s why he needs me at the games, so I can make sure the girls don’t get burnt, I laughed a little and said Witch was there, she could’ve put sunblock on them. Lion says, no she couldn’t she was watching Munchkin so I countered, because I felt the need to defend myself and said so what you’re saying is, that I can watch Munchkin and make sure you have on sunblock but your mom cant? She was like well she was watching Scarecrow’s games too; and I countered again, if I were there I would’ve watched Scarecrow’s games too and Munchkin and made sure you had on sunblock, I think your mom can handle it. Basically Lion confirmed something for me or I feel like she confirmed something for me….they don’t’ have confidence in their mother to take care of them but they do have confidence that I will and can even with 2 games a pre-schooler and everything else going on they have confidence that I’ll make sure they don’t get burnt….ok, so that is a positive and it took me writing this to realize that is a good thing..ok feeling a little better.

My point to this post was of course negative because I just feel consumed with negativity towards Witch and while she has negatives about her they don’t have to affect me if I don’t let them and lately I’m letting them, all the time and I’m tired of it, I want things to roll off my back and say fuck it…you don’t factor into my world…because truthfully she doesn’t have to, not at game, not for a holiday nothing, we have a schedule and we stick to it most of the time and they work it out if they’re going to deviate from it, so why do I make everything about HER…I don’t know but I let her get to me so much that I cried a lot this weekend for good and stupid reasons, I let her get under my skin to the point that I got angry and my son for something minor and acted very out of character and I’m putting up walls against her children to protect myself and my heart from her!

My ideal story/blended family life would be….

Caring only what happens within our family, our home and having fun with our family, friends and each other. Giving and receiving love, respect and appreciation….

The Talk

This weekend I was a complete mess and I think I could feel it starting even on Friday but I pushed on and thought it was just the stress of getting 3 people ready for an overnight stay and a weekend long tournament; plus making sure that TinMan was taken care of as well as having everything I needed to be at the tournament with Munchkin. Today, I feel hope whereas in the last two days I’ve felt very desperate and alone.

My fall out with TinMan was short lived, I apologized immediately and then cried for a while; crying is very healing but at the same time I couldn’t control it so I felt very pathetic. He and I had a good day yesterday overall, he did his homework and hung out and I finished the things I need to for Wizard. So, it was an ok day but also a day of questioning, I blogged, journaled, wrote letters to Witch and Wizard which I had no intentions of sending but I had to get the ‘yuck’ out and I think it helped clear my head a little.

Most of my hurt centered around feeling unsupported by Wizard and I felt very alone with Witch. I’m not Munchkin’s mom, I’m a parental figure and someone he loves but I’m not his mom and sometimes we all just need our moms but at the same time Witch got prego with him because in her words to Wizard ‘I wanted someone to love me, you have the girls, I needed someone’. How stupid and sick is that; have a child when you have a husband that you don’t pay attention to, didn’t love and two children already because you want someone to love you?! I truly don’t get it and I never will and that’s OK, I don’t have to understand the inner workings of her mind but I do need to be able to be around her and not feel extreme stress especially when it’s our week with the children and we’re at a game. So after Wizard and I talked, we had a GREAT talk and came to a solution, which was super nice, we didn’t argue we just talked and I feel a lot better about things, a lot better! Basically if it’s our week and there’s a tournament Munchkin and I are staying home, I explained to Wizard that I wasn’t going to put myself in the extreme stress of that situation where Munchkin is acting out in ways I can’t explain, we were at the field on Saturday for 10 mins (I was thinking what happened to the kid I was just singing with in the car) when he had his first fit and I know she was loving it because I could see the smirk on her face and everything went downhill from there. Horse Whisperer made a good point about him feeling my stress and possibly feeling torn between Witch and I; I never thought of that but why should we put him in that position? Witch doesn’t feel stress because she’s getting what she wants Munchkin needing her; people seeing him need HER and feeling sorry for her and for him because of the divorce, whatever. These are all assumptions based on what I know of her past statements and actions. She also probably enjoyed my little breakdown and discussing it with the one other mom who is on her side but I’m not allowing myself to think of that, I did what I felt was best for ME and for HIM by leaving him with her; when I called her she was truly surprised, she was taken aback and I’m sure somewhat satisfied at the outcome. I don’t really care either way, it is what it is and it’s done.

Wizard and I discussed my feeling of not being supported, he explained that being a coach is more than just being a coach on the field, that he has a ton to do after the game too but he will put more effort into parenting and spending time with Munchkin and I. I also told him something Glenda told me about last week while they were at Witch’s house; this past week was ours but Wizard was out of town on business and has to offer her time with them if he’s going to be gone more than 4 hours (I think that’s BS considering it’s me but whatever) so they were at Witch’s from Tues night to Fri. morning. Back to the Glenda story (sorry); Glenda brings her nephew (4 yr old) with her on M, W and Fri because she takes him to pre-school and picks him up and he and Munchkin get along great up until recently and ONLY at Witch’s house do they have a problem…this is based on what Glenda is telling me; on Monday when they were at our house I had to put Munchkin in timeout for not sharing with the nephew, Munchkin got mad and thought he was going to take away the bat, glove and ball from nephew and not play and he really thought he was going to do it; I was like no way, you need to share and if you’re not going to share you’re not playing with it; he went to time out and wasn’t allowed to play with his bat, glove and ball until after his nap that day; I guess the week before at Witch’s house the SAME thing happened only Witch let him take his toys away from nephew and said NOTHING about sharing. Honestly, I’m not surprised, I watch her get down on her hands and knees and take a toy train from another little boy and give it to Munchkin; the train was Munchkin’s but he was sharing and then wanted it back so she took it…stupid bitch. Ok, so FF past that to about Thursday when they’re at Witch’s again, Glenda said that Munchkin was all dressed in his baseball stuff cleats included and nephew was sitting on Munchkin’s blanket so Munchkin comes down out of Witch’s room (you can see the downstairs from her room and she saw this or so Glenda said) and Munchkin starts pulling the blanket out of nephew’s hands and when nephew says can I use your blanket Munchkin says NO and the only reason Munchkin wanted the blanket was because he just wanted it, he wasn’t going to use it so Munchkin gets mad and kicks nephew in the mouth with his cleats ON…Witch did NOTHING; nephew had a bloody lip and SHE DID NOTHING. So, that’s the kind of parenting we’re dealing with; I told that story to Wizard and he immediately said that he would be doing a better job of being more hands on with Munchkin and I really feel that if Munchkin gets that dad isn’t fucking around that these behaviors might stop….I’m hoping.

My goal over the next 30 days is to meditate, journal and placemat my way through this issue because this issue is really hurting ME, it’s causing me a ton of stress (I didn’t eat much all weekend, some cheese it’s here and there, a yogurt, two waffles and a bowl of cereal) and I need to be healthy for myself, my son and the rest of the family. So, I’m going to get through this, I’m going to let Witch be herself and constantly remind myself that what she does has NOTHING to do with me; what she does in her home has NOTHING to do with how we run our home and what she does at games, public places and events has NOTHING to do with me; ultimately she will be the one to deal with her lack of parenting and lack of helping herself out of her own black hole, while I’m out of mine and enjoying my life; I WILL enjoy my life. I have too many blessings of a great family, friends, extended family, etc to not enjoy my life. I’m hoping that my 30 day experiment continues to be a daily activity so that when something comes up, I can hand it off to the ‘powers that be’ and go about my business trusting that I’m fine and all really is well.

Wish me luck and if you don’t want to receive updates please let me know because I’m going to be journaling a lot!

What a child needs

I had a nice evening of conversation with a couple that we have recently been getting to know. They are expecting their first child. We sat up for hours talking, and for a portion of that conversation I felt like we were touching on a special realization for fathers. We were discussing our own childhoods. My friend was telling me about how his own relationship with his father has effected his thinking on being a father himself. We both had a similar experience. Our dads were focused on "providing for their family". Neither of us could recall many heart-to-heart talks or emotional bonds. What we could recall was strong work ethic and a dutiful approach to life. We began to consider: Is it possible that nearly a whole generation of dads mostly missed what their children needed them to provide?
We began to consider the balance of a dad's responsibility toward his family in both financial and emotional aspects. I think the dilemma is just as real for the wife as it is for the children. I remember times in my life where I would come home from long work days with the feeling of 'responsibility accomplished' only to find that my wife needed something more. She needed my time, my words, and my help. But I had the mentality of my dad: I was doing what I was supposed to in "providing for the family". What frustration we enter into, when our idea of providing is mostly defined as working to provide physical things. What we both eventually discovered is that we would rather live in poverty to give our children their real needs than provide them with the stuff the world says they need.
As we talked, we both concluded that a dad can't ignore his need to provide food and clothing for his family and that a dad is surely to be concerned about the physical needs of his family. But he is not to be consumed by these concerns. That is not the point of our lives. When we looked back we saw that our dad's were consumed and that we had the same magnet pulling us.
This idea reaches into the subject of contentment. Paul instructs us in scripture to "be content having food and raiment." So much of our idea of providing has stretched beyond those bounds today. If the last generation lost their fathers to this mentality, this generation is even more endangered. Now it's a distant mom and dad reaching toward financial goals; content only with the right house, and the right clothes, and the nice vacation, and the carefree cars, and their kids having everything kids their age have. All the while, people miss what kids need. They need us. To truly find contentment and joy, our children need the long conversations. Our sons need the dad who is a mentor. Our daughters need the mom who cooks and creates with them. They need to hear our experiences and the lessons of our journeys. They need us to pass along the heritage of wisdom we've uncovered. They need us to teach them. Never in history has their been a generation of parents who take less responsibility for the instruction of their children. The amount of time the average parent spends with their children is unprecedented low.
Change begins with determining our values. It would be good to consider and "repent" of our idea of "providing for the family" if we want to establish a refuge of love with our children. When we are able to sit and consider it, most of us would agree that we would much rather leave our children a legacy of love and memories than some cash and a timeshare. That decision begins now.
Blessings.
Jesse

Breakdown?

I think I'm have an emotional breakdown..yipee just call me a statistic or a freak, either one is unflattering.

Yesterday I freaked out because Munchkin was out of control and there wasn't anything I could do about it because 1. we were in public and 2. his mother was babying him so to teach him a lesson I thought we would leave and I also thought I would have the support of my husband which I did not; I left with my husband thinking that I was mad at him, which I wasn't just hurt beyond explanation at the fact that I received a kiss and nothing more while HIS crying toddler stood with Witch. Witch walked Munchkin and I to the car and I didn't see Wzard again until I called to tel lhim I had a few things for him; then proceeded to explain how he needed to step in a little more when we are out in public, especially if Witch is there, he said all she'll tell me is he's her son, I laughed and siad well he's YOUR son too and its YOUR week, step up and support me a little, he then used his excuse that he's coaching and blah blah, I kept explaining that I wasn't talking about during a game that I was talking about the fact that his ex wife walked me to the car NOT him. So Munchkin and I were on our way home, him crying in the back me crying in the front and I just oculnd't take it so I called Witch and told her to take him, that he needed to be iwth his mom and she tried to talk to me telling me she just thinks he;s tired, but it had nothing to do with him crying mommy and everything to do with Witch and Wizard take advantage of me, I'm their in home or at game babysitter when it's convienent for them but when they don't like what I'm doing its no long conveinent, well...fuck that, I've invested my heart into these kids and I'm not going to be underminded or disrespected (Munchkin yelled at me twice yesterday, that never happens at my house or in public). So I was proving my point that if you want me to participate you better support me or his ex wife and the childs mother can keep him. So I called Wizard to tell him that munchkin was with his mother, he freaked out; said i gave her what she wanted (honestly, I'm not sure I did, there was geniune concern in her voice when she was trying to talk to me) I told him I didn't care, he said he was sure she heard us fighting in the parking lot, I agian said I don't care, this isn't about HER this is about YOU suppoerting ME and being a father when you're done coaching, instead you go off with your softball teams and you spend time with them but you don't even walk your wife and son to the car you think a single kiss at the field is goodbye. He still didn't get it. I was sobbing for the entire hour drive home, even talking to a friend only helped a little, I spent most of yesterday sobbing off and on, pathetic.

So that was my breakdown yesterday, it's only 10:30am and I'm breaking down again, this time it's all my fault, 100% my fault. I love my son to pieces and i would never hurt him but today I did something that shocked both of us. He was eating his breakfast and we were talking about his homework, he starts getting pissed off because he claims that he doesn't know how to do it, i basically told him I didn't care, he was supposed ot have it done weeks ago and his teacher was giving him a break and letting him finish it; he claimed his partner was supposed to do this part but never did and that he did a majority of parts one and two and his partner was supposed to do three and four, well his partner never did four, so he's pushing my buttons and I'm tryinjg to calmly explain that he needs to complete it, he needs to pass this class. Then he says he's just going to go sit in the office and do nothing because he doesn't knwo how to do the project, he starts cleaning up his breakfast dishes and throws his plastic cup in the sink, unacceptable, so i'm madder, i tell him that we've asked him to rinse off his plates and bowls many times and put them in the dishwasher and he never does it; he yells I was getting to it, so he rinses his plate with the sponge and then throws the sponge on the clean pots and pans in the drainier, I pick up the sponge and flick the water at him and am yelling don't do that....I was completely irrational, he went to his room, i go to my room sobbing wondering what the hell just happened and what the hell is wrong with me.

i'm normally a strong person but for weeks I've felt weak and out of sorts and I'm just struggling to figure out if I'm having a mental breakdown or what. I'm getting little support from ty because he's not home much....practice Monday-Friday so i'm on my own when it comes to kids, chores, rules, etc which is a pain in my ass and then I also have the challenges of the teenager and now the pre-schooler who are both somewhat out of control...I just want to go away, a break from everyone and everything.

The best part is, i reached out to my husband this morning but he's too busy coaching to read anything I send him but he's not to busy to call and ask me for another parents phone number...my life is grande.

if I could give any advice don't marry someone who's been married before with children...especially a man, because men might be physically stronger but they're total pussy's, the bio mom will control their world, wizard is too afraid of witch to stand up to her and he hates her so much that he'd never take any of my suggestions like counseling for all of us and having weekly or monthly parenting meetings together so that the kids truly are the focus....so I'll just sit in the room that I don't feel is mine and sob the day away and hope that ina few hours I feel better.

Projects, boredom, blah

Lately it seems like if I don't have a project or 'something' going on I'm seriously bored, at work, at home and in life all around. What's the deal, my schedule is slam packed every day of the week and the only thing I'm finding true enjoyment doing is readin the stupid Twilight Series again...Yes, i have issues but it's good and now that I've seen the movie I go back and see the book a little differently and can see how the script was written to get all the key points in place but not drag the story out. Holy crap, i'm officially weird, I just analyzed a script vs a book....WTF is wrong with me?! LMAO

Whatever, if I could put my thoughts on paper (real paper) properly I would write a book but my thoughts are always so jumbled but I think I could write a fantastic story using parts of my life, I think it would end up being funny, heartwarming, dramatic...well as dramatic as you can a make 'normal' persons story.

I've also become obsessed with Twitter, LMAO That is one weird social network, there's no rhyme or reason to posting unless you want to know that I love sharpies and Ashton Kutcher wants to reach a million followers or that pdiddy (who posts like every 5 minutes) recording...it's nuts but funny! I enjoy reading random peoples whatevers, it's amusing plus you can be super honest in less than 140 characters and really leave peeps WTF'd...my fave thing to do!

I really wonder what I used to do with all my 'free' time, when I was single...more or less when I had a boyfriend and a child instead of a husband and children and for the life of me I can't figure out what I really did, went to the gym after work most days, watched the same shows I watch now only I watched them 'live', went to friends houses, games, etc but I never really did anything important or mind blowing, nothing that I was overly passionate about....interesting, maybe I'm just a boring person who likes boring things...and wine, I really like wine.

The husband is gone until Friday night, the only kid I have in my house is 16 and totally capable of doing everything himself and I'm bored, LMAO Someone snap me out of it!

Step Family Letter Project

This is an amazing blog if you're living in a blended family, truely amazing....I like reading the letters some are really loving, some are mean and some are outrageous but they all remind me that 1. I love my blended family and 2. I am strong enough to deal with all the things that come my way even when I don't think I am....

http://stepfamilyletterproject.wordpress.com/2009/04/09/dear-stepmom-2/