Doubts

Ya, it's all because I'm holding the vibe, I know this but it's been REALLY hard to let go of...each time I think I've 'conquered' something it rears it's ugly head to remind me to clean it up....right now nothing is owrking, Wizard is negative, Witch is a bitch, the kids want nothing to do with me and I'm doubting my decision to marry and move in with Wizard and I'm not sure how to get away from it or at least gain clarity around it....I have ZERO time to myself and I just keep beating the same drum OVER and OVER and OVER....how do I get away from that, how do I find my happy place again when right now in this red hot minute it seems like everything sucks!!!

Every freaking game is like sitting through a gyno appt. it's awful, it's stressful and all I want to do is have fun like I did at TinMan's games, we would laugh and watch the game it was a total blast! This just sucks ass! Last night Scarecrow had a softball game, her first game of the season, she was excited....we were excited for her. Her team played her cousin's team, Cousin's parents are Wizard's brother and SIL (love her), they have 3 kids total Cousin 1 (10), Cousin 2 (6) and Cousin 3(2), they're all roughly the same age as Wizard's kids (how cute, sarcasm)...anyway, I have trusted SIL for months now and when I say trusted I mean I've vented to her I've shared things with her and I really thought she was someone that I could trust but last night all that flew out the window. I'm not mad at SIL but I'm hurt, really hurt; Witch came and of course Munchkin wants his mom so I let him out of his stroller to go play with her, she loved him and tried to give him back but he wasn't having it, LOL Anyway, SIL seemed a little 'off' even before Wizard got there but when Witch got there they were chatting up a storm, it was weird for me, i felt sort of stabbed in the back because she barely talked to me (SIL) and ever since things have gone south with Witch I was really surprised. I know that I have to change my focus on all this or it's going to continue to 'eat me alive' and make life even worse but it's so freaking hard, I just want us all to be happy in our lives, I want us to have fun together, love and support each other and the harsh reality is that isn't happening....I have so much 'work' to do around this subject...I know I can make this harmonious for myself if I focus on the harmony long enough....right?!