Valentine's Day

Last night we did have a great time with the kids; I loved every second of playing when them and helping them write out their valentine's for their party on Friday. Munchkin sat on my lap most of the time and wrote his own valentine, LOL It was so freaking cute he and I were having a jibberish conversation; and we were laughing and playing all of us and that's what I need to focus on.

When it came to the seeing them play softball in the basement I shut down, i'm not sure why but I did, i felt myself do it immediately and now that I look at it I could've handled it better but the sense that I got from Wizard was that he wanted me to be over joyed with what was going on and honestly at that moment I couldn't be, the girls looked like they were having a blast and Wizard says all they wanted from me was a 'good job' or 'wow, you're really good' but I wasn't able to give that to them and partly because I felt pressured to give it to them, does that make sense?! So, in the end Lion ended up sensing that something was 'wrong' and that I was 'mad' at Wizard but I wasn't mad just upset and it had little to do with sports and everything to do with him still focusing on clothes and matching and public opinion.

Which tells me that I have some work to do inside and so does he; so when he called last night we talked about what happened in the basement and I feel better about that and feel like I can focus on the fun and the love of the game that the girls have because they REALLY do love playing that game; I could see it in their eyes last night. Scarecrow was very excited to be playing and hitting with the pitching machine and Lion is a determined girl and can really hit the ball!! Munchkin even tried to get in the game, LOL

What still was bothering me was the whole matching glove/hat and jeans thing and after he finished talking about the basement and how he felt I explained how he made me feel....when first thing he says to me when I get in the car is 'why didn't wear the hat that matches your gloves' and 'public appearance, couldn't you have worn jeans'; I cried when I asked him if he loved me for me and he wonders why I'm questioning his love because lately all he's focused on are the clothes, etc. He apologized and asked me to help him and guide him and so that's what I'm going to do and I'm hoping he'll do the same for me in regards to knowing I'm a great parent and step parent and knowing that the kids do enjoy what they're doing and just want someone to watch and encourage and for now I'm going to focus on the love we all had for one another and laughter that we had at that table and add TinMan to that mix and I think we'll make a beautiful family....