Stressed Out...

...so I lost my cool last night...really lost my cool for no other reason than I just wanted to be left alone with NO responsibility at all. I ended up yelling and TinMan because he didn't feel he needed to study for Spanish and stomping my feet and going to bed like a pissed off teenager who was told NO by their parents. I'm not proud of this fact but I did get the voice of reason from Horse Whisperer who reminded me that I'm still learning and it's ok....below is a piece of her email that she sent me this morning after listening to my voicemail from this morning. I'm fine, I'm just rather stressed and feel that I really do suck at my 'job' as a parent/step-parent.

OK - I listened to it. Its fine to be on the meds. At least right now while you get everything pulled together later down the road when you are comfortable you can try to go off them again. Just think of it like a prop in yoga - you will use it for a while until you are comfortable enough with everything else in your life that you think you can handle it solo again. There is nothing bad about that. You are amazing!! You have so much that you are dealing with right now... superwoman couldn't handle what you do -so it’s no wonder you need help calming your nerves. I believe that when you have kids they develop in the timeframe that the parents need to develop with them. I know that if I had Filly right now it would be difficult because she would surely break my arms!! She is mobile and I wouldn't expect all that she gets into. When she came home - it was all I could take. She stayed where you put her and she was light. All I had to master was feeding her, changing her diaper loving her, and learning to wake up when she cries (the bare basic necessities). As she developed it took more I had to master all of that as well as helping her develop motor skills, talking, feeding herself, watching that she doesn't hurt herself, etc. They take more and more skills and energy from the parents each day as they develop. Then when you have a second kid - you have to manage a sports/activity schedule with your oldest and just feeding and changing the baby again - just the bare basics.... then more and more as the days go on. It’s kind of like lifting weights. You start with 5lbs... not 100lbs. It’s not that you can't do 100lbs eventually.... but you have to work up to it. You were dropped into the Arnold Classic and expected to lift 150lbs without the training. Dorothy - you have 4 kids... you went from you and TinMan to 4 kids and a husband (which I can argue takes as much attention as a small child). There is nothing wrong with needing some motrin to ease the muscle ache at night. Everyone else in your class has been training for 12 years and started with the 5lb weight - and you were dropped in mid competition lifting 150lbs. Once you get the 150lbs down (it will be 170lbs by that time because Munchkin will be in sports) you will be accustomed to it and you will be able to sleep without a muscle reliever. Does that make sense?