What a child needs

I had a nice evening of conversation with a couple that we have recently been getting to know. They are expecting their first child. We sat up for hours talking, and for a portion of that conversation I felt like we were touching on a special realization for fathers. We were discussing our own childhoods. My friend was telling me about how his own relationship with his father has effected his thinking on being a father himself. We both had a similar experience. Our dads were focused on "providing for their family". Neither of us could recall many heart-to-heart talks or emotional bonds. What we could recall was strong work ethic and a dutiful approach to life. We began to consider: Is it possible that nearly a whole generation of dads mostly missed what their children needed them to provide?
We began to consider the balance of a dad's responsibility toward his family in both financial and emotional aspects. I think the dilemma is just as real for the wife as it is for the children. I remember times in my life where I would come home from long work days with the feeling of 'responsibility accomplished' only to find that my wife needed something more. She needed my time, my words, and my help. But I had the mentality of my dad: I was doing what I was supposed to in "providing for the family". What frustration we enter into, when our idea of providing is mostly defined as working to provide physical things. What we both eventually discovered is that we would rather live in poverty to give our children their real needs than provide them with the stuff the world says they need.
As we talked, we both concluded that a dad can't ignore his need to provide food and clothing for his family and that a dad is surely to be concerned about the physical needs of his family. But he is not to be consumed by these concerns. That is not the point of our lives. When we looked back we saw that our dad's were consumed and that we had the same magnet pulling us.
This idea reaches into the subject of contentment. Paul instructs us in scripture to "be content having food and raiment." So much of our idea of providing has stretched beyond those bounds today. If the last generation lost their fathers to this mentality, this generation is even more endangered. Now it's a distant mom and dad reaching toward financial goals; content only with the right house, and the right clothes, and the nice vacation, and the carefree cars, and their kids having everything kids their age have. All the while, people miss what kids need. They need us. To truly find contentment and joy, our children need the long conversations. Our sons need the dad who is a mentor. Our daughters need the mom who cooks and creates with them. They need to hear our experiences and the lessons of our journeys. They need us to pass along the heritage of wisdom we've uncovered. They need us to teach them. Never in history has their been a generation of parents who take less responsibility for the instruction of their children. The amount of time the average parent spends with their children is unprecedented low.
Change begins with determining our values. It would be good to consider and "repent" of our idea of "providing for the family" if we want to establish a refuge of love with our children. When we are able to sit and consider it, most of us would agree that we would much rather leave our children a legacy of love and memories than some cash and a timeshare. That decision begins now.
Blessings.
Jesse