Breakdown?

I think I'm have an emotional breakdown..yipee just call me a statistic or a freak, either one is unflattering.

Yesterday I freaked out because Munchkin was out of control and there wasn't anything I could do about it because 1. we were in public and 2. his mother was babying him so to teach him a lesson I thought we would leave and I also thought I would have the support of my husband which I did not; I left with my husband thinking that I was mad at him, which I wasn't just hurt beyond explanation at the fact that I received a kiss and nothing more while HIS crying toddler stood with Witch. Witch walked Munchkin and I to the car and I didn't see Wzard again until I called to tel lhim I had a few things for him; then proceeded to explain how he needed to step in a little more when we are out in public, especially if Witch is there, he said all she'll tell me is he's her son, I laughed and siad well he's YOUR son too and its YOUR week, step up and support me a little, he then used his excuse that he's coaching and blah blah, I kept explaining that I wasn't talking about during a game that I was talking about the fact that his ex wife walked me to the car NOT him. So Munchkin and I were on our way home, him crying in the back me crying in the front and I just oculnd't take it so I called Witch and told her to take him, that he needed to be iwth his mom and she tried to talk to me telling me she just thinks he;s tired, but it had nothing to do with him crying mommy and everything to do with Witch and Wizard take advantage of me, I'm their in home or at game babysitter when it's convienent for them but when they don't like what I'm doing its no long conveinent, well...fuck that, I've invested my heart into these kids and I'm not going to be underminded or disrespected (Munchkin yelled at me twice yesterday, that never happens at my house or in public). So I was proving my point that if you want me to participate you better support me or his ex wife and the childs mother can keep him. So I called Wizard to tell him that munchkin was with his mother, he freaked out; said i gave her what she wanted (honestly, I'm not sure I did, there was geniune concern in her voice when she was trying to talk to me) I told him I didn't care, he said he was sure she heard us fighting in the parking lot, I agian said I don't care, this isn't about HER this is about YOU suppoerting ME and being a father when you're done coaching, instead you go off with your softball teams and you spend time with them but you don't even walk your wife and son to the car you think a single kiss at the field is goodbye. He still didn't get it. I was sobbing for the entire hour drive home, even talking to a friend only helped a little, I spent most of yesterday sobbing off and on, pathetic.

So that was my breakdown yesterday, it's only 10:30am and I'm breaking down again, this time it's all my fault, 100% my fault. I love my son to pieces and i would never hurt him but today I did something that shocked both of us. He was eating his breakfast and we were talking about his homework, he starts getting pissed off because he claims that he doesn't know how to do it, i basically told him I didn't care, he was supposed ot have it done weeks ago and his teacher was giving him a break and letting him finish it; he claimed his partner was supposed to do this part but never did and that he did a majority of parts one and two and his partner was supposed to do three and four, well his partner never did four, so he's pushing my buttons and I'm tryinjg to calmly explain that he needs to complete it, he needs to pass this class. Then he says he's just going to go sit in the office and do nothing because he doesn't knwo how to do the project, he starts cleaning up his breakfast dishes and throws his plastic cup in the sink, unacceptable, so i'm madder, i tell him that we've asked him to rinse off his plates and bowls many times and put them in the dishwasher and he never does it; he yells I was getting to it, so he rinses his plate with the sponge and then throws the sponge on the clean pots and pans in the drainier, I pick up the sponge and flick the water at him and am yelling don't do that....I was completely irrational, he went to his room, i go to my room sobbing wondering what the hell just happened and what the hell is wrong with me.

i'm normally a strong person but for weeks I've felt weak and out of sorts and I'm just struggling to figure out if I'm having a mental breakdown or what. I'm getting little support from ty because he's not home much....practice Monday-Friday so i'm on my own when it comes to kids, chores, rules, etc which is a pain in my ass and then I also have the challenges of the teenager and now the pre-schooler who are both somewhat out of control...I just want to go away, a break from everyone and everything.

The best part is, i reached out to my husband this morning but he's too busy coaching to read anything I send him but he's not to busy to call and ask me for another parents phone number...my life is grande.

if I could give any advice don't marry someone who's been married before with children...especially a man, because men might be physically stronger but they're total pussy's, the bio mom will control their world, wizard is too afraid of witch to stand up to her and he hates her so much that he'd never take any of my suggestions like counseling for all of us and having weekly or monthly parenting meetings together so that the kids truly are the focus....so I'll just sit in the room that I don't feel is mine and sob the day away and hope that ina few hours I feel better.