will i ever do this at home...

....that's the question I'm asking myself right now. In the last week I have found time at work to journal but will I ever find or should I say make that time at home? I have to...its my right, its what keeps me sane and its what I'm loving right now....journaling...communicating within myself and getting all 'out'! I've held so much in these last few months and I just need to vent it out....let it go and move on....My goal in the coming year...to let others just be, be who they are or aren't and allow them to do that....to let myself just enjoy the parts of them I enjoy and let the rest of it roll off my back and if I don't enjoy any part of them to let all their 'parts' roll off my back...I'm tired of giving energy to the negative aspects of my life, I want my happiness back, I want the fun back and I want ME back....I'm not changing my life I'm merely changing how I look at my life or some of the parts that I feel don't go so well. I'm going to communicate more clearly and positively with those I love and care about and with those I don't really care about, LOL I just want to try and gain some positive aspects in my life....In a day I allow myself to get worked up...really worked up, normally to tears. Not once a week/month/year but almost daily....not sure why but I allow it and it sucks.....so I'm hoping that in the coming year I can learn to let things go and not hold grudges...I'm really good about that........a good example of this is my mom. boy oh boy she can push my buttons and push them to a point of anger, sadness, hate....frustration....she's very closed minded and she also views life and life lessons very differently now than when she raised me (for those who don't know for the last 13 years she has had custody of TinMan, my choice, he recently moved back in with me, his choice). TinMan is adjusting to his schedule, his school and his life in our home VERY well, with the exception that he's still 'holding on' (as anyone does) to his 'old' life, he's made a few friends and has enjoyed hanging out with them but he's also holding on to some old ones (not bad)....my mom would like him to be at her house EVERY OTHER weekend for the ENTIRE weekend. That was fine over the summer and even the first two months of school....after his 2nd interim came home we had to put a stop to spending the night...his grades were lagging and since he didn't spend the night with friends this was our only option....he could still go spend time but not spend the night. since the begining of this month my mom has badgered (sp) me over and over again...telling me that I'm keeping him from his family and cutting off all ties with them, etc. Which is NOT the case, I understand how she could feel that way but my son is not turning in homework, does not have a clue when his tests are and has not been studying for said tests unless WE prompt him to....this is not acceptable in my home and he now lives in my home...he's a FRESHMEN in high school...he has 3 years until he hits the 'real' world and the things like RESPONSIBILITY are things he needs to be taught, along with time managment, follow through and preparation. My mom just thinks I'm nuts, thinks I'm just keeping him from 'the family' and that I want him to cut all ties and that I'm holding him back....I even compromised when my uncle came in from Florida (12/7) I let him spend the night with them (mom and family), and AGAIN on 12/25 and 12/26....the ONLY request I had was that he NOT play ANY video games....guess what he played Christmas night....guitar hero. Maybe I'm being to harsh, maybe I am completely wrong in my thinking but.....how is he supposed to learn responsibility, follow through and preparation if I don't teach him?! When he lived with her he had the same 'problems'....and there was punishment for maybe two weeks and then it was as if it never happened.....well, hello...no wonder he's not preparing or taking responsibility for his homework and actions....HE HASN'T BEEN TAUGHT TO!!! So to say I'm pissed, furious, upset, angry, frustrated and at my wits end....is a big understatment....I've got all this shit to deal with on top of the ex wife and the other three children and fiancee' I have at home.....I'm so done, so done.....I dont' know how to talk to her, I don't know how to explain what I'm trying to do here....I'm trying to help my son understand that life isn't all about the newest playstation or xbox game that life is somtimes about work....is that wrong?! I'm trying to help him achieve his dream of being a pilot....I'm trying to help him KNOW that he IS smart and worthy of all the things he dreams of...right now he doesn't feel that, I know this....on Christmas night we were at my grams and we played Catch Phrase....he called himself stupid at least 5-6 times and said he couldn't think of anything to say....my step father has called Tyler stupid most of his childhood....I realized this in the last year another reason I felt taking custody at this time was a really good idea..and TinMan wanted it...anyway....he just felt he could not play catch phrase...a rather simple yet fun game AND his cousins same age and younger were playing with confidence....I want him to have that confidence, its MY job as his mother to give him that confidence, its MY job as his mother to teach him things like responsibility, structure, and that fun and work can go hand in hand and don't have to suck.....why can't she see this, why does she feel like I'm 'keeping' him from her?! I'm only saying he can't spend the night......that's it, its really simple. She has often tried to compare our (mine and her) situation with Wizard and Witch and while it is somewhat the same there is also a large difference....Witch doesn't live an hour away, Witch teaches her children (in some ways) responsibility and if the were to ever come home with negative grades or behavior in school well...Witch would and has actually put her foot down in a BIG way....she didn't give in....why can't my mom get this, why can't she accept that I've compromised TWICE....soon to be THREE times this month....because of the holiday. I'm at my wits end, I don't even want to talk to her or see her for that matter and I'm at a point where I'm ready to just cut off all contact unless it deals with TinMan. My mom was a hard as nails bitch to me when I grew up...to the point that she was down right cold and I'm sorry but there would be no love lost if I didn't talk to her....or see her. She's great when she gets her way but when she doesn't she tries to strike fear into me and up until about 3 years ago that fear worked and now it doesn't.....so I just don't know what to do....its not about being right for me its about doing what I FEEL is right for my child and sometimes doing what I feel is right doesn't alwasy feel great but in the end I know he'll be a better student, man, husband and father someday for it.....

Baking Fun

Sunday the wee ones and I baked sugar cookies. Of course they were not homemade.....no time. We all gathered around the island in the kitchen and I rolled out their first batch of dough, gave them the cookie cutters and set them free. It was a sight, that's for sure, they made gingerbread men, stars, stockings, angels, bells, sleighs and Christmas trees. Munchkin was too funny he started out cutting them correctly and by the time I made it back around to him he had taken all but two of the cookie cutters and cut all of his dough and made a train....that's his thing making everything line up so its a 'train', that was funny. After they cut out all the cookies and we baked them I let them add the icing and decorations....Munchkin went down for a nap. They had fun with it and made quite a mess but everything turned out yummy and they had fun.

After the cookie baking fun they had lunch and got ready to go to Wizards's Cantata which was beautiful. TinMan and I went to his last LAX game of the year (2007) they play in January too, and then came home...it was a busy Sunday but always a ton of fun...

email I wanted to send but didn't

Witch

I know this is going to seem strange but I think we need to get thingsout in the open and move forward rather than drudging up old woundsand things that have been said, do you agree? In the last few months you and I have had some difficult moments and I think a lot of that is due to lack of communication between you and I. In past emails and conversations we both said we wanted to be partners but I don't think either of us has truly acted as a partner to the other, I'm speaking for myself, I have no idea how you feel. I'm willing to take part ofthe responsibility for our difficulties but I'm not willing to take sole responsibility. The part that I have the most trouble with is that when I'm feel like I'm trying and being nice or trying to spare your feelings you think I'm being mean and rubbing things in your face and I'm really not; I'm pretty much giving up, if I try I'm wrong if I don't I'm wrong so why don't you tell me what to do so that I know what your expectations are.....I'm not going to address the things that have been sited in previous discussions or emails but I'm asking; do you think that we can get along, can we both stop saying things about each other to Wizard, our friends and family? So in being honest with you I would really like you to stop saying things about me, saying things like 'I can't believe you're going to marry the first person you dated because you're too lazy', calling me white trash and other things is ct and I've said some things too but I am now trying to change the way you and I communicate just not a way for us to remain partners. I get it you don't like me and I don't like you and I'm not perfect but I'm trying I really am but I think you think that I"m out to make you look or feel bad and that's not the case. I want to function as a team, you, Wizard and me and someday the person you want to be a part of your life.

iPod part 1

Part 2 is where it will get really good; in the past the Oz children were used to having EVERYTHING the same, clothes, toys, etc and Witch hasn't let go of that expectation of...if one gets something, the other gets something equal...idiot!

Oh and the ohter kicker is Wizard bought the one that Lion has....it was her bday give in 2006 from 'them' but Witch never paid her 1/2...shocking. Ultimately Lion did get the Nano Video...after four hours of crying on Christmas day; poor Witch doesn't know how to stand up to a 10 yr old and Lion is Witch's favorite so she (Lion) always gets what she wants.

From: Wizard
Sent: Wed 11/28/2007 2:39 PM
To: Dorothy
Subject: FW: What

I knew that she would say Scarecrow's will be better

-----Original Message-----
From: Witch
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:36 PM
To: Wizard
Subject: RE: What

I don't have that feature on my TV. I am aware they watch those shows. We watch them together and have for a couple of seasons....honestly if we went through all of the movies they own and everything else we would need to get rid of almost all of them. PG-13 movies with swear words and all that stuff.... I just asked because she keeps bugging me to get a new one and for me to take hers....you know not fair that Kennedy might get one with a screen....

From: Wizard
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:32 PM
To: Witch
Subject: RE: What

I think the one she has is fine. Why do you ask? Also I wanted to tell you that Lion said they watch shows like House, CSI and Ghost Whisper? I dont know if you know they do but I looked on line and they are considered adult content. Do you think you could put a password on your TV so they dont watch shows like that?

-----Original Message-----
From: Witch
Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2007 2:24 PM
To: Wizard
Subject: What

…is your thinking on Lion getting a new ipod?

Let's her off the hook

Witch owed Wizard something like 2k for her 31% of things for 2007; he basically told her to pay up because nto only was he paying 2200/monthly in child support but he was also paying 100% of activities...so he finally stood up for himself...considering he was paying of her debt too.

Oh at this point they'd been divorced for about 18 months and her parents had paid of her CC's twice, spent the 40k that she got from the settlement in SIX MONTHS...and only 15k was on the house. She continiously spent money like it was water AND had her van repo'd...so she decided bankruptcy was the answer, I still think it was lie to get out of paying for her portion or just to get sympathy but who cares at this point.


-----Original Message-----
From: Witch
Sent: Monday, November 26, 2007 11:25 AM
To: Wizard
Subject: RE: Bankruptcy

Wizard, I can put your money in the bankruptcy and that is what my attorney recommends. As I don't have much debt a couple thousand dollars...it is just the day to day living that is making it hard. I should have never bought the house. I know that now and should have went with my thinking of apartment renting and the kids sharing a bedroom. I think we learn from our mistakes and now my life is a mess and all things ruined. I appreciate that you won't come after me for it....but honestly I can't set up a payment plan with you anyway because of the pending bankruptcy..it's not allowed. Once this is settled I will try and give you money along the way. I think we can both be better about communicating...like medical bills, the school lunches etc. It seems we aren't doing as well as we used to. I know we agreed that the kids lives wouldn't change but just as with birthdays, holidays etc. I don't think we were thinking forward enough. We said things that are just not realistic and if we had the divorce chat with them and us now..I think that conversation would look different. I don't know that I will always even after this as I said the debt I have isn't huge...the car was a chunk but the new car will still leave me tight....so we / I am going to have to make a lot of difficult choices from this point on. If it's extra lessons, the viola, whatever and I can't pay for it I just can't. I am sorry for all of this and I want them to have all they want and need....that is just not the reality of my world anymore...it has to be the needs on my end from now on. I am sorry. I am sorry for them and I am sorry to you as I know you want them to succeed but financially I may need what the coach gives them sometimes to be enough...and I may need them not to play indoor soccer and just have some time off. I most likely will not be traveling out of town with the team for tournaments etc...if it is not my week with them. I hate all of this as you know because I want to be there for them and want them to be the best they can be. I guess reality has caught up with me and I know at the end of the day as long as they are happy, healthy and loved they will be okay. I am sorry.

***side bar...she still traveled out of town; her mom and dad gave her one of their cars to use for about six months and then she bought the van that she now drives and it costs her over $500/month...she told Lion so that's how I know.

From: Wizard
Sent: Monday, November 26, 2007 11:16 AM
To: Witch
Subject: RE: Bankruptcy

Ok. Listen I am not going to come after you for the past bills in regards to the kids activities. But for the future I will communicate what the kids need in regards to their activities and I would appreciate if you would pay your portion. Is that Fair?

Christmas 2007

Remember the email that they were only getting a couple of things....here's their couple of things and she claimed I duplicated ALL of Lion's gifts so she took them back to get her the Nano video...oh and don't forget she's filing bankruptcy!

-----Original Message-----
From: Witch
Sent: Tuesday, November 20, 2007 12:20 PM
To:Wizard
Subject: Here is what I have for Christmas:
Lion:
Camera Digi cam makeover
interactive journal
Cosmic catch
Clothes
Robe
Skate board unilever kind
Fashion design program

Lion:
Digital clock
i-pod
Skate board
Guitar
Clothes
Microphone
Mammoth crocs **each child got these

Munchkin:
Whistle and Go Thomas
Little people crane set
Scooter
Step two Cars
Thomas train and friends railway set

Joint gifts for Lion and Scarecrow: Wii Two way text messengers

Pay up...

Read bottom up...this is priceless ;) Please note spelling and grammatical errors, it's awesome, not only that but her financial burden is her own...must have vans at $700/month, must have house at something like $1,800/month, constant shopping...I still haven't found the time when she bought the puppy in July 2007 on a whim because Lion wanted one and didn't pay for something she was supposed to...it's just amazing...that's her freaking financial burden.

I had responded to Wizard since he forwarded her response to me.

-----Original Message-----
From: Witch
Sent: Wednesday, November 14, 2007 11:34 AM
To: Wizard
Subject: Response

Wizard,
Thank you for the running list of fees. I agree that although you are carrying much of the sporting fees that I have been more than clear that it is a financial burden on me and therefore have asked repeatedly for a discussion with you regarding there participation. At the time when we were divorcing you were wearing a different face and portraying a different picture and making promises to our children that you shouldn't have been in hindsight. You were as my attorney told me working very hard to cover something up. Which we both now know was the case. You are the one that when I asked to pay my portion of the school fees said you had it and that I should not pay. I tried and you did not allow that to happen. So for you to now turn around and use that to throw in my face seems somewhat unfair. I have sent money for lunches, I have paid all medical expenses along the way this year, birthday gifts, bought the new stroller which never finds it's way back to me. I have paid for items when I get them during the week for the children, Halloween costumes, pictures, the full hotel room for which you agreed payment of half etc. All of these things that involve the children are suppose to be split equally. So although you believe you are carrying all of the burden alone you are not.I was very honest with you regarding the clinics, the viola…which we decided she would not participate in and I told you I would not contribute to because I could not afford it and then all of the sudden you were signing her up. Our paperwork specifies that they will be agreed upon. If I do not agree because I cannot afford it there is nothing I can do about it. The divorce has left me very, very tight financially and I am at the point where the only option left is to make the difficult choices. If that means that I will have to accept that the training they are receiving for their sports is enough and the extras are not necessary then that is what needs to happen. The violoa for instance has not been out of it's case once…not once at my house. We agree that there would be no 4x4 soccer yet not only is Lion signed up so is Scarecrow. You cannot make choices for us and expect me to pay for them. Again, I have asked that you and I sit down and talk so we can go through these things yet that request is never responded to or accepted. You are right it may be time to go back to court and discuss what the alternatives are. It's not something I want, but it seems that the current arrangement is not working. I will not be as easily swayed and naïve this time around.

So, if that is what you feel needs to happen and we cannot work through these things then we will go back. why talk to someone who only believes what the voices tell them? You are correct we are going to be a part of eacho thers lives for a long time. I have distanced myself from both of you in hopes that it will make things easier. You both continue to play games in all areas and that has not helped in the respect area. When I have to explain to my children why their Dad told them things wouldn't change and now I am not there for their parties and holidays that is not in my eyes putting the children first. The fact that she refers to my children as hers to my face and to others is not respect that is total disrespect. The fact that I cannot go anywhere without hearing a story about you or her or what you have done or she has done and her behavior or things she has said makes it hard. Removing me from email chains etc. Lack of respect. I could give you 100 examples. People you probably think are your friends stab both of you in the back at every turn.***this has to be SIL I am really tired of hearing it. I cannot go to softball, church or anywhere else for that matter without someone saying something. I cannot control others from telling me things and have said you know what I don't know what to tell you when they ask me why you have changed so much and that honestly I don't want to hear it but it doesn't make it easier. To have Coach lying to me and then the rest of the team telling me how everyone sat around and talked about it and that it was definitely a team party**FALSE, there were TWO couples at C's house because they helped with tryouts, Witch didn't help with tryouts…these things do not make it easy for me to have respect for either of you. It's been a long time now and neither of us can control what others say, but reality is I am over it and just don't and can't deal with it anymore. If there was a way for me to disconnect from you totally I would and I have distanced myself as far as possible, but it doesn't seem to matter. Lets talk about her buying rounds of drinks at the bar and then calling you to ask you for grocery money, that's appropriate or being found by friends laying on a toilet in a bar passed out, that's appropriate or the MANY times she's whispered about me or someone else to me..... For you to pull out putting the children first in a financial matter is almost ironic to me. Do you feel it was putting the kids first to get engaged and move a person into your house and explain it to me as a time to see if things are going to work out? That staying with the first person you dated because you are too lazy to look is the right thing? Do you think that having a person live there and play house as a test is a good example for the kids? Do you think when we have a schedule conflict that putting the kids first is ohhh she can spend the night with so and so - we were going to the movies? Do you think that hiring a nanny that has no experience with children, has never changed a diaper and has a car that is not appropriate is putting your children first? Do you think playing games and having Dorothy draft emails to me and you sending them is the right thing to keep our situation civil? Do you feel that her behavior of twirling her ring in my face, talking to Coaches wife in whispers and then speaking loudly when she is pointing out what she is looking forward to most about being married is the combined income, making a point to respond to things when asked if she is going home do you mean to OUR house when I am there for no reason is helping? **cause we all know I'm this petty, funny, I didn't live there full time BITCH Telling people that I don't know what I am talking about in regards to Munchkin's skin condition? Ironically he never had it when he was at our house You missing the kids games or showing up late is that in their best interest? How about Witch not showing up at all because she's hungover! I could go on and on…so before you ask me to respect her and you maybe you should take a good hard look at really what is going on and deal with the issues you have happening. My children are the most important thing in my life. Which is why she took THREE WEEKS to decorate her house and decided it was best not to see them and barely calls once a week to talk to them when they're at our home...they're important all right I always put them ahead of everything else. I have given up someone important in my life almost totally because they just couldn't get it….I will not have you or anyone else questioning that. Not anymore. The days when you told me that I was a horrible parent, that I was worthless, that I was lazy and all the other things are over. Let the past go, the things that she's citing here are seriously old and ridiculous not to mention, didn't she break up with S because he was negative and she didn't want negative people in her life....wait, her bank account is getting low so she might want to hang on to him since B has no money.....to be truthful S is much nicer and WAY better looking. As far as Dorothy putting the kids best interest before her own…you act like that is something that should be rewarded. That is what parents do…it's not something that should even be discussed - that is expected behavior even from a partner in their lives. I'm confused...I thought I wasn't a parent? We are the adults and I would hope that we are all doing that. What you need to wake up and realize and open your eyes too are the things that she does and her behavior to others that has everyone continuing to question her intentions. I know how you are and are over protective of her as well you should be with all that is being said, No idead here and truly don't care but reality is you want to paint a picture full of roses, when once and a while there is a thorn in there and you should recognize it and work to better it just not act that it always behavior that is appropriate. I have respect for her that she cares for my children…the other stuff though I don't. It's not a matter of me liking her or not. She is good to my children and as long as that continues she can talk about me and treat me however is best for her. I don't need to be friends with her and all I want is for the kids to be happy. Yes I will continue to call both of you on your backhanded behavior. I am sure you will continue to ignore it and find it acceptable, but I have not intention of being belittled and removed from my children's lives and be put in a position of always explaining why things are different to the kids. Honestly, I running out of excuses. Seriously, am I a parent or not, because first I'm disrespecting her by calling them my kids and now I'm SUPPOSED to put their interest before my own as a PARENT should...she should really read before she hits send. I know that the girls are picking up on things as they are overly sensitive about what belongs where and making sure it gets here or there and that is not coming from me. They are always saying can I take this I promise I will bring it back etc…I need to be sure I bring it back to Dad's…I can't forget…etc. Like the evening when Dorothy wouldn't respond to me when I said hello and you were very short and slammed the door they asked if you guys were mad at me. Again, not a good thing. Well, if we didn't have to pay for our part and her's we wouldn't have to be conscious about what clothes go where...in fact lets stop and we'll just keep all the things she sends, we'll spend her money instead of ours....she has more anyway, thanks ma and pa G, we appreciate it! As far as Christmas is concerned…we bought our own gifts last year and assume that will continue. So my questions is are we doing Santa at both houses? Yours and mine? You said they would go back to your house and open their gifts there? We will still need to look at what they want and make sure we are not duplicating gifts especially as long as Santa is involved. I don't know that it is necessary for you to come to the house this year for Christmas morning and spend the day. Honestly, this being your year would mean the opposite. SO, you would have them Christmas morning and me in the evening. So, let me know about the gifts and we can make sure we are on the same page. I think the two of you should actually sit down and talk about this and don't let her bully you as you have in the past, tell her what you want and be done with it, ignore her whining, etc. She's nothing more than a child so you need to treat her as such. As far as pictures. You can do whatever you like. I assumed you would take what you needed/wanted from the school pictures. I ordered enough I thought for both of us because believe me I don't need 29.00 worth of photos…so if you need more, I will send them back to you and you can take what you want. I was surprised you didn't take more. Why did you add the thing about the pictures, we had plenty and now you've started another freaking battle...stupid. Thank you for providing the spreadsheet and I look forward to seeing all of the documentation that backs it up. I will also go through it and eliminate all the things I did not agree to and then we can arrive at a number. Start calling the bank and getting cashed checks because we're going to war baby.ps....she's not getting rid of me, period. Kennedy and I are developing a bond, and the other two already love me and we are not playing house. I want to get married in Hawaii, we'll have a ceremony for our family next fall when we get back......I will need your response about Christmas very soon.

Regards, Witch

Wizards original note; she took something like 3 days to respond

Wizard,

When we divorced it was agreed that we would each provide certain things for our children while they are in each of our homes and that together based on a percentage that we both agreed to we would continue to give them the opportunities that they are used to having in school and with the extracurricular activities, I am holding up my end of that agreement but you are not. I've had 100% of the financial responsibility for our children's school fees/lunches and extracurricular activities. Attached is a spreadsheet of all items that should be divided between us based on our shared parenting plan, I have only included items that have been paid or are currently being paid as well as items that you have notified me you have paid, if you have other items that involve school or sports feel free to send me a list as well as back-up paperwork showing payment, I'm willing to provide the same. I'm asking that you come up with a payment plan and start making payments no later than December 1, 2007. I have been very accommodating to your life and financial changes in the last 18 months but will no longer carry 100% of the financial responsibility of our children, its in the best interest of our children that we share this responsibility; as you are always telling me, the children's best interest are what you are most concerned about. If that is in fact the case you will respond favorably to taking responsibility for your 39% of their school and extracurricular activities. If you are unable to make any type of attempt to pay your agreed 39% we will go back to court, I do not want to resort to that as I'm sure you do not either but you are the only person who will determine that..... You and I will be a part of each others lives for a very long time and I'm hoping we can agree to put our children's best interest first. Part of that is respecting me AND Dorothy, regardless of if you like her or not your children are a part of her life and enjoy being a part of her life and she puts their best interest before herself time and time again. All I'm asking for is simple respect, if you give it, I'm also willing to give it to you. I want to keep Christmas as 'normal' as we can for as long as we can for the children, I'm sure there will be a day that our schedule no longer works in the children's best interest but until that day this is what I'm suggesting, we each buy gifts on our own, this year they spend the night at your house on Christmas Eve and I will come over on Christmas morning to watch them open their gifts and then around 3pm we'll go to my house for them to open their gifts there and spend the rest of the night, next year we'll switch. Also next year I think it would be a good idea if we have the girls get two picture forms and we can just order what we want so no one gets shorted on pictures.

Fun with the SIL

Backstabbing, faced, bitch SIL....did I mention money hungry; called Wizard's mom nuts and a few other things but is up her ass!

Here's the thing, Wizard and SIL were once VERY close, Witch and SIL were close at one point too over the years off and on but after the divorce SIL really sided with Wizard and she told me so many crazy stories about Witch mostly to do with the kids but then one day (I blogged it) she just all of the sudden switched. SIL and Witch had a SUPER ugly falling out to the poin that Witch told Wizard SIL was a back stabber...little did we know she wasn't lying and it was after I had leaned on her and confided in her...this email chain is a result of all the hurt and anger I felt about 1. Wizard's family siding with Witch and 2. being stabbed in the back when I trusted her.

This is also the same woman who wouldn't let her husband Wizard's brother congratulate him after we were married and neither of them came to our reception, their children came with their Grandfather.


From: SIL
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 4:17 PM
To: Dorothy; Wizard
Subject: RE: present

By the way...S's name is spelled SY. I know how to spell all of your kids' names.


-----Original Message-----
From: Dorothy
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 4:14 PM
To:SIL
Cc:Wizard
Subject: RE: present

You're welcome

From: SIL
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 4:12 PM
To: Dorothy; Wizard
Subject: RE: present

Dorothy and Wizard: I am at work...working...I'm sorry but I don't have time to convince either of you that to S it's not about what adults are coming but it IS about what kids are coming. I'm sorry that you think my daughter's birthday party has adults being invited...they weren't. There will be 26 kids there and I can guarantee you that IF any adults are there S won't even notice. I'm done talking about it...if you'd like to discuss it further feel free to call me while I'm not at work.
Thanks!

-----Original Message-----
From: Dorothy
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 4:04 PM
To: SIL
Subject: RE: present

You're right it is about a 7 year old birthday party, Wiards's niece, as well. Its not about the children and how they get there it's about S's uncle not being invited to the party at all.

From: SIL
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 4:02 PM
To: Dorothy
Subject: RE: present

Dorothy: While you or Wizard might think this is another slap in the face and that it's all about you guys...it's not...it's about a 7 year old having a birthday party that desperately wanted her cousins, Lion, Scarecrow, and Munchkin, to be there. S, myself, brother or anyone doesn't care how they get there she just wants them to be there. With that said, please pass on this information to Wizard (as I'm sure you will). ***Funny thing here is the Oz children haven't been invited to a SIL children's party in about two years and now it's suddenly a must***

Thanks.

-----Original Message-----
From: dorothy
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 3:53 PM
To: SIL
Subject: RE: present

He didn't ask me to tell you and its not totally about the kids; why weren't we invited? Its just another slap in the face, that's all.

From: SIL
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 3:49 PM
To: Dorothy
Subject: present

Well I'm sorry that Wizard feels the need to have you tell me that...besides I really didn't know whose week it was when I gave the invite to Witch at the soccer game two Saturdays ago.

-----Original Message-----
From: dorothy
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 3:18 PM
To: SIL
Subject: RE: present

Just want to make it convenient for everyone and this seems easiest. Also wanted to let you know that you hurt Wizard's feelings by not inviting him and the kids since it's his week.

From: SIL
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 3:16 PM
To: Dorothy
Subject: RE: present

That's fine...it's no big deal either way!

-----Original Message-----
From: Dorothy
Sent: Friday, October 05, 2007 3:03 PM
To: SIL
Subject: present

Hey, Since Witch will be bringing the kids with her on Sunday, I'll send our gift with them, sound good?

Trick or Treat Part 2

Read bottom up Whatever...don't be there for your kids....and since I'm posting this in 2009 she wasn't there in 2008 either even though it was technically her year to ahve them...she's even years we're odd years...

BTW, once you read this you're going to think I'm a saint and wonder what the hell her issue is...I truly don't get it, I would be there with my kids period, especially if I were given an open invite. But that's me...it would've been weird but I wouldn't have actually gone out with them I would've stayed behind and handed out candy or something but....I digress

Oh and this birthday bullshit...she hasn't had Munchkin on his birthday NOR has she asked to have him/them on his birthday in THREE years and in 2007 for Lion's birthday we had to call HER so that she could wish Lion a Happy Birthday, nice. In 2007 for Munchkin's birthday we elected to have a VERY small cookout...like 10 people and didn't invite her because she was having her own party with HER friends/family that she did invite us too and about a week before it was to happen we cancelled, I wasn't subjecting myself to HER world just like I wouldn't expect her to subject herself to my world and my friends...it didn't go over well as it was one of the first; firsts in the next 12 months that made her realize that she was in fact divorced and their lives were being slowly separated and of course it was/is MY fault.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
FromDorothy
Date: Oct 1, 2007 3:03 PM
Subject: Re: Halloween
To:Witch; Wizard

Thank you, now we are all on the same page and like you said, its good to remain consistent.

On 10/1/07, Wtich wrote:
I know Lion has also been asking me daily to trick or treat with them as we typically go as far and as long as we can until we are the last ones out there...so I know Scarecrow wants me and asks often, but Lion does to which made it even more difficult to decide. When the Munchkin birthday change happened they as you can imagine didn't understand what was going on. Why I wasn't at the party, why I wasn't having a party when they were told I was and that's why I wasn't there, why it was fair for him to have two parties when they didn't and they immediately went to you aren't because it's not fair to us. Scarecrow kept saying how if she couldn't spend her birthday with me she would cry all day and Munchkin was probably sad. I explained once you guys decided to have your own party and not have a joint party as we had talked about that it became you guys having a party as that was where Munchkin was on his special day and I explained to them that although we will always be a family because i am their mom and Wizard is their dad that things are going to be different and they now have two separate families and there will be years when I won't see them or Wizard won't see them on their birthdays or certain holidays. It didn't mean that I didn't or Wizard didn't want to be with them on those days as neither of us would want to miss a moment on their special days, but that things are different now and that go forward our families will be separate for most things. That we all love them and want them to be happy, but it is just the way things fall with the calendars etc. Will they have two parties...I told them for me on my end no. Just like with Munchkin I cancelled the party that was planned and just had my parents and Aunt SIL was stopping to drop off Munchkin's gift as they were on vacation for the party at their Dads, there would be no singing, no cake...just Nana and Papa visiting and at some point Aunt SIL would stop over. I don't know if that makes sense, but basically I just told them that go forward it wasn't going to be possible to be together for their birthdays etc., but that the 3 of them always would be. So, I just think that on Wizard's holiday year it would send a mixed message as Ry's birthday approaches and things like that....

From: Dorothy
Sent: Monday, October 01, 2007 2:08 PM
To: Witch
Subject: Re: Halloween

Understood, I just wanted to make Scarecrow happy, as she has said many times that she wants all of us to trick or treat that night but I understand your want to be consistent. May I ask what reason you gave them so that if the situation should arise again we have the same answer on both parts?

On 10/1/07, Witch wrote:
Thanks I will look forward to seeing them. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. I just don't want to send them a different message after the conversation that was needed when they realized I wasn't invited to Munchkin's birthday ...so I believe I should stay consistent with the reasoning I gave them as to why I wasn't invited...so by attending I think it will just confuse them in the long run when it comes to only being with me or you guys in the future on birthdays etc. Thanks again, I can't wait to see the pics!

From: Dorothy
Sent: Monday, October 01, 2007 1:56 PM
To: Witch
Subject: Re: Halloween

Hey Witch, I appreciate the response and understand. I know the children will miss having you there and of course we'll take pictures.

Dorothy

On 10/1/07, Witch wrote:

Dorothy,
Thank you for inviting me to spend Halloween with my children. After giving it a great deal of thought I think I am going to pass and not attend Halloween night at the house. I will explain to the children why I feel it isn't the right thing to do and would appreciate you and Wizard allowing me to talk to them. Thanks. Witch

Trick or Treat part 1

From: Witch
To: Dorothy
Date Thu, Sep 27, 2007 at 12:22 PM
subject RE: Trick or Treat

Dorothy, Thank you for the invitation to Trick or Treat with the kiddos. I am not able to say just now if I will be there or not. I don't know what planning you need to do and I hope it doesn't inconvenience you if I give it some more thought and let you know in the next two weeks. If that's a problem just let me know.

Thanks, Witch


From: Dorothy
Sent: Wednesday, September 26, 2007 1:22 PM
To: Witch
Subject: Trick or Treat

Hey Witch,

I wanted to invite you to trick or treat with all of us on October 31 (6pm-8pm); I know the kids, especially Scarecrow would really like to have you there. Let us know so that we can plan accordingly and if not, I'm sorry that you'll miss it but we'll take lots of pictures to share. Thanks!

dorothy

I really, really wanted to send this to Witch yesterday but I 'journaled' it out and let it go, which I'm super proud of, the drama of the day was that Wizard told her that he and I wouldn't be going to the birthday party she's having for Munchkin on 8/4 (his bday is 7/29, our week) and she threw a fit saying that it was my fault and he again was putting me before the kids and
that I needed to 'let it go'. There's other background needed to 'get' the email but I don't feel like typing it all out, LOL

I have to stick up for myself and the family that Wizard and I are trying to build. You're upset that Wizard isn't going to be at your party for Munchkin and while I understand wanting a father to be with his son on his birthday, I do not understand why you're so angry that he (Wizard) won't be there for the party you're having with YOUR friends and family and why you aren't thankful that he is spending part or all of Munchkin's actual birthday with him. I personally wouldn't be going even if Wizard were going and no, I'm not going to 'get over it'. I don't and won't put myself in a position that makes me uncomfortable for the sake of painting the picture perfect family....I could careless what people think. You constantly blame me for Wizards's decisions, I do not make his decisions for him, he makes them of his own free will as I'm sure you
know.

You don't like me, I get that but let it go as you said you have, I've tried 'playing nice', instead of 'being over it' you say things like 'you're putting her in front of your kids' (which you're WRONG about and if you'd look outside yourself for a minute you might see that) or 'you won't be
going to that game now, will you' (another selfish statement, and truthfully you're not hurting us, we just won't go, not a big deal) and my favorite 'girls your dad said you can't go to Cedar Point'; even though its you're doing, the best part is you don't care that you're painting an 'ugly'
picture of their father, you just care that you're pushing his buttons, and putting your anger in front of your kids....you want to be mean and selfish so why should we be nice and let you take them on OUR DAY....the ONLY reason we/he would let you take them to Cedar Point is because the KIDS HAPPINESS COMES FIRST...but you already knew that and are counting on that....aren't you...

Lets be real here, we're adults so lets behave like adults and COMPROMISE. If we can't compromise and co-exist positively then how can we expect our children to co-exist with people they don't like or learn to respect each other/others and compromise? Our actions are teaching them how to behave, our actions are molding who they will become. I for one want TinMan to be a better person than I am....I want more for him than I do myself, I'm sure you can relate....think about that when you're angry and you're spouting things off in front of the kids about their father, the man they love and admire, the man that is their protector and provider; you're mad at him take it out him but don't use the children to do it because that IS putting yourself before your children; Wizard doesn't do that to you or about you, he and I both know its in their best interest to see you in the best light, you're their mother, their security blanket, the one they need and trust.

You consistently believe that we (Wizard and I) are out to 'get' you or not include you in the parenting of your children and that is not true, I think you and Wizard are the most important people in your children's lives and when you TWO can get over your differences and stop trying to have the 'upper hand' with each other you'll be better parents. BOTH of you. The childcare
issue is one of the more recent issues I can think of, I'm not trying to decide anything for your kids, I will assist in the decision as my child will be present and I care about your children but the final say will come from you and Wizard since your kids will need more supervision than mine; if you want a specific type of babysitter/nanny then make a list of the type of person and qualifications you want and share it with us but don't accuse us of trying to do something without you, its getting old.

I will again say that if you have something to say about me, my life or my son to TALK TO ME not Wizard, you know he's going to tell me anyway. I'm tired of the she said BS, another thing that's getting old. You believe that I was talking about you this weekend at the game....when in reality I was pointing out Munchkin cheering....I'm tired of the anger....its OVER let it go,
move on, be happy.... that's all we're trying to do....and in fact despite all the BS that goes on we are happy, nothing you can do or say is going to change that.....

Weekend

This weekend was super busy jam packed full of fun, laughter and love!!! Last week was a pretty stressful week for me. All analyzing, adjusting, thinking and freaking out I did paid off in some way...journaling it out definitely helped and I talked to Wizard over the weekend about how I've been feeling and as usual he 'surprised' me by being very receptive :) I guess thats what good relationships are made of....communication and lots of it! He was very understanding regarding all the change and the feelings I've been having about it, we talked about me looking at his blackberry and while it didn't go over well he didn't freak out, he just said he had nothing to hide and I'm welcome to look anytime BUT he was hurt that I felt the need to look and that moving forward with a date, etc was something that we needed to think about because obviously I don't trust him....valid, very valid. I do trust him like I said before but geesh, I just didn't like the chatting going on that's all.

However, I read over my post from the other day about feeling alienated (sp) from SIL and Witch and I don't feel that way about Witch so much as I do SIL and I'm not sure why.....I felt that way on Thursday but I don't feel that way now, go figure! I did talk to him about the email to SIL and he said that he wanted to know about the gift and he also wanted to check on her and see how she was because she had seemed very down the last couple of times they talked.

Part of me says whatever and the other part of me says what is there to really care about?! Nothing, if I look at it rationally I don't care so I'm letting that go and if I do feel alienated again it will be brought up. Friday was a lot of fun, Wizard took a 1/2 day off to take Scarecrow to the movies, Lion went to the movies with a friend and Munchkin stayed home with the nanny...I
worked, LOL When I got home everything was done and we had a nice relaxing evening.

I met the friends at Bravo! and had dinner and then we went to see the band at Flanagan's and we had a total blast!!! It was some much needed girl time for me. I got home later than I watned but I wasn't stressed about it like I have been in the past so I was happy about that :) The kids
just hung out with Wizard and got ready for their games on Saturday. Saturday started at 7am....after going to bed about 2:30am...nice! Wizard and I got up and started getting ready.. Scarecrow had practice at 8-9 and Lion had a 9:45am game so she and Wizard were gone at 8am, I took Scarecrow to practice came home got Munchkin ready, had breakfast with him and then got ready myself. I picked Scarecrow up from practice brought her home to change and then we headed to the field to watch Lion's game. It was a good game they lost but the game was good,
it's interesting to sit on the sidelines and watch a team totally defeat themselves because that's what they did. After the first game Munchkin and I headed back home to go to a neighbor's daughter's birthday party which was a lot of fun for both of us. Everything was so cute and girly, the food was good and the people were really nice, so we had fun. After the party I laid Munchkin down for a nap and he slept for 2.5 hours....the amazing part is that the Kidz n Kamp fundraiser was going on in our backyard (our house backs up to the common area) and there was band playing and people being loud the WHOLE time and he slept right through it!

Wizard and the girls along with a few softball friends got home about 8 (after their 6:30pm game) and we hung out, chatted with neighbors, the kids ran around and had fun, we had friends come
over and hang out...it was just a lot of fun!!! They ended up raising $19,541 for KNK so that was AWESOME!!! We got to bed about midnight...wooo hoo

Sunday started much later than Saturday...we got to sleep in until 9am, LOL I remember when 9am was early for me....whew! Lion only had one game on Sunday so we were gone at noon and got home about 3:30pm and the rest of the afternoon we spent playing with the girls while Munchkin napped...it was a blast, we laughed, and joked it was just good family fun. at about 5:30pm we had the girls pack their stuff for their moms and Wizard took them home...that part
totally sucks! But, next week is vacation so we'll have a blast in Niagara and Montreal!!!

TinMan got home from Hilton Head late Saturday night so he'll be home Wed....for GOOD...I'm so happy!!!

This week we will be finishing TinMan's room, only have to paint the trim, touch up the helmet stripe and put the OSU logos on the walls, two walls are scarlet and two walls are gray it looks amazing!!! The carpet gets installed on Thursday and we'll be done :) For TinMan we have football camp in the evenings next week with lifting in MWF and that's about it....thank
goodness

VBS

This was when Witch thought she would flex her 'muscle' didn't last long...but wait for it! What is HILARIOUS about her and this church full of hypocrites, etc She likes to come and play mommy of the year every once in a while when Lion sings....

-----Original Message-----
From: Witch
Sent: Monday, June 11, 2007 11:21 AM
To: Wizard
Subject: RE: I have

One, I am not willing to give up my time with them when we are so busy. I just feel like I don't have much quality time with them...two I have some stuff planned that I would like to do for them and three I don't think that on my week I am willing to sacrifice anything for a church that is ridden with hypocrites, gossips and people that just generally have nothing but mean, ugly and nasty things come out of their mouths...sorry...although I choose not to go there because of it anymore I cannot in good conscience send my kids there on my weeks in support of that behavior.

From: Wizard
Sent: Monday, June 11, 2007 11:18 AM
To: Witch
Subject: RE: I have

Um why

-----Original Message-----
From: Witch
Sent: Monday, June 11, 2007 11:15 AM
To: Wizard
Subject: I have

…thought about it and I don't think the kids will be participating in VBS this year.

Pay?

Read bottom up....in 2006-2007 well most of 2007 she didn't pay her required 31% of a damn thing...I told Wizard, how she came up with the money wasn't his problem, she didn't give a crap if he had the money or not for things...

-----Original Message-----
From: Witch
Sent: Monday, June 11, 2007 3:03 PM
To: Wizard
Subject: RE: Do you have any money to help pay

Right now...probably not...but I can not pay something and make it work...I think my portion would be 136.50....I will find it....I will leave you cash for it so if you right a check I will just give you that okay?

From: Wizard
Sent: Monday, June 11, 2007 3:00 PM
To:Witch
Subject: Do you have any money to help pay...
...for Lions Soccer fee?

Uncomfortable

Read this first:

From: Dorothy
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 2:00 PM
To: Witch
Cc: Wizard
Subject: This Weekend

Witch,

If you are uncomfortable with me taking Scarecrow to to practice on Saturday and her game on Sunday I would be happy to get her ready for you both on Saturday and Sunday for you to take, I just want to make things as easy as possible for everyone, just let me know what you'd like to do and what time you'd like her to be ready and if you'll be taking her to the tournament on Saturday afternoon or bringing her back home.

Thanks
Dorothy

Wizard - let us know if this is a problem for you.

Now read Bottom to top


From: Witch
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 4:35 PM
To: Dorothy
Cc: Wizard
Subject: RE: Communicating

I apologize that I don't ask you what's going on when it involves you. I have never made the parent comment to you because that is an issue for Wizard and I to deal with. I have said repeatedly how much the girls appreciate you being there and what it means to them. I also appreciate that you care enough to be there for them. It's not the I prefer to be there over you or take them over you...I just want Scarecrow to know that now that she is active in competitive sports that she is as important as Lion has been. I say the parent comment to Wizard for that reason only. I am upset yes that on the HOO Contact List you were listed as a parent...I did not make that a secret....could it be alternate number, whatever...the soccer and Scarecrow softball distro was mearly that I wasn't told. It's all about respect end of day. I don't like to have to sit at soccer and answer questions about what's that about and again at an out town tournament cornered by 10 people. It's uncomfortable for me and I don't even know what to say....so all I asked at that point was for some warning that's it or you know end of day it's not that hard to hit the forward button. I am really trying also and it's just hard for me as you can imagine dealing with that non stop. You should talk to the other moms they aren't my FRIENDs they are people I know...softball I am just getting to know. I have also been nice to you and say hello to you at games. Honestly, the behavior at the tournament in Lancaster between you and you and Carol really turned me off and put me in a position to say you know what there is no need to rub peoples faces in things at every opportunity, so I hold my tongue and be civil. I don't want to argue with you and honestly don't have the energy...I am glad you care / love my kids...they deserve to have that in a step-mother. I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't say negative things. I try and focus on what's important your relationship with my kids. I cannot allow Wizard to continue to degrade and disrespect me though because of your feelings...he says he see me at games...what sitting in my chair...really... The only time I have asked Wizard and not you directly about your past is when Lion was questioning me about the things you supposedly told her. I don't know the answers we have never shared those and I didn't want to say something wrong or whatever. I didn't ask you because it's not my place honestly and I don't want it to be uncomfortable for you. Peoples past are their pasts and not always things they are proud of, or care to rehash...we have all been there. If circumstances were different it wouldn't be my business and that is why I didn't ask you directly. I just wanted the abridged version to answer questions... I believe I expressed my concern with your actions in the email today to you both. I think the engagement has made inappropriate things take place and I needed to get it off my chest in hopes that the realization that it was happening would make it stop. That's all. I do respect you and will from this point forward say hey you know what great that your engaged, but don't need to sit twirling your ring in my face. We are divorced for a reason you know.... I will not be picking Scarecrow up for Saturday practice as I will be with Lion in Beavercreek...Sunday you can bring her...it was never about you taking her it really wasn't it was about her having her Mom and Dad there that's all. It's not about the ride it's the my Mom or Dad think I am important too...I don't want you not involved...end of day this was about Scarecrow and what I feel is important to a child as it was important for me growing up that when we had a sports conflict one of my parents were there to say ohhh my god awesome catch...that was beautiful. so I will see you in Worthington. End of day...I appreciate what you do to help Wizard with the kids and how well you treat them and that's all that matters to me. See you tonight.

Witch

From: Dorothy
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 3:40 PM
To: Witch
Cc: Wizard
Subject: RE: Communicating

I have said MANY times that I will never try to be there mother, they already have one, period. You say you call me a partner and yet you never once ask ME about what's going on when it involves me, you never once tell me that you feel a parent should be there and you have never once said 'hey Dorothy, I'd prefer to take Scarecrow to her practice and her game', no instead, you talk to Wizard, which as the other parent you should BUT if you're calling me a partner then treat me like one...TALK to me, you haven't spoken to me since we got engaged, you're upset that I'm on the distribution lists for the teams but yet you call me a partner, as a partner shouldn't I be on those lists so I know what's going on? All I can say is that I'm trying, I really am, I don't talk to any of the other moms because well...they're your friends and I respect that, I support your kids, I try to talk to you and be nice to you and in the last month you haven't said anything to me at a game, only when we're at home...all this doesn't matter, it really doesn't, I'm not going to argue with you or prove points because well, it's pointless...I will say this, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you whether you believe that or not and I care about your kids...actually, I love them and want only the best for them. All I'm asking for is...if you have something negative to say about me, my life past, present or future say it to me not Wizard, ok? Can you show me that respect? I'll have Scarecrow ready for you Saturday morning, you can pick her up and take her to practice, I'll have her ready for the game on Sunday as well, you're right she deserves a parent to be there so let's give her that..... I have nothing more to say...

From: Witch
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 3:21 PM
To: Dorothy; Wizard
Subject: RE: Communicating

Let's get something straight...most of the stares you get are not created by me...they are created by the immature behavior and actions of you and Wizard. I have only tried to be considerate of you and make you feel welcome. Including Indiana and when ever else I can. I don't stare at you as I have no reason...I don't control what other people, do, say or think about YOU. That is on them and not me. Most of those people I am just meeting also...especially softball, so maybe you need to start taking a look at yourself if you feel they are giggling or whatever. You can do whatever you need to on Saturday and Sunday....I again will say the fact that you will be there is appreciated by both myself, and the girls...so I don't care one way or another whether you are there or not. It really doesn't matter if you are I am a grown up and act like one and have a great appreciation and believe it or not compassion for your situation. My concern is only for Scarecrow and that she has a parent there for the reasons I have stated ...and maybe you nor Wizard get that because you haven't had to deal with it, but that is my right as her mother to feel she should have a parent there for her and the rest of the fan club can grow from there. No one called you and "outsider" on many occasions I have called you our partner...but you are not their MOTHER I am they are not your kids they are mine. I want to be able to rely on you to help us guide them through their journey of childhood into adult hood end of story. End of day I could care less how you feel about me. I am a good mother to my children and have ALWAYS been there and will ALWAYS be there for them whether you like it or not. I don't need you to or particularly care if you like me as long as you keep your opinion to yourself around my children...because believe me the type of person that does the things you have done and continue to do I wouldn't waste my breath on usually...but Wizard has seen something in you and once I respected his opinion and my kids adore you and end of day that is what matters.

Witch

From:Dorothy
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 3:07 PM
To: Witch; Wizard
Subject: RE: Communicating

First and foremost I consider YOUR feelings, the feelings of YOUR children BEFORE I EVER consider my own, I have subjected myself to YOU and YOUR friends stares, comments and giggles at EVERY game and if you think you're uncomfortable try walking in my shoes for a day.
Secondly, I appreciate the communication but will you or won't you be picking up Scarecrow for her practice and game on Saturday and Sunday. Keep in mind I will still be going to the tournament on Saturday and Scarecrow's game on Sunday. I feel as the 'outsider' in the family it's important that I show ALL the children that regardless of how I feel about you that I will ALWAYS be there for them.

From: Witch
Sent: Thursday, May 31, 2007 2:40 PM
To: Wizard; Dorothy
Subject: Communicating

Wizard,

I am also copying Dorothy on this message so we are all clear. I will not be spoken to the way you did to me on the phone or at the game last weekend. Your little blow ups and name calling and general demoralizing behavior I had to deal with for 10 years of our marriage is well past over. I don't have to and will not tolerate that immature in your face behavior now. Like it or not it is not appropriate or acceptable behavior. You can save your yelling, name calling and tone for someone else, but it's not going to be me. Your behavior since our divorce is that of someone that has reverted back to a high schooler at best. Things about you have changed for the positive in ways and in others for the worse. If you want to call me a b…ch…feel free. I have heard them all before, but luckily now they don't affect me as I know that I am a better person as I would never do that to you in our current situation. I have bent over backwards since letting go of the cheating, the lying and games to be nice to you both and came to only want the best for you both. I cannot be expected to sit around and listen to everyone non stop talking about you and Dorothy and what they think and on and on at my childrens games and be happy about it I am sorry. When I tell them I don't want to hear it, it still continues. It does not make my experience at my childrens activities a pleasant one. I know you can care less about what people are saying and good for you, but put yourself in my position….it's not fun to hear about it everywhere I go. I am done with being subjected to childish immature behavior on both of your parts. The twirling of the ring, the commenting loudly enough to be hear "What I am looking forward to the most is the combined income statements", the do you mean "our" house, not just accepting an introduction but putting it out there Wiard's fiance…bottom line is most people believe it's immature behavior and says what's up with that. No one cares and yet they all have something to say and then I have to listen to all of it all the time. I could care less that you two are getting married…seems like a perfect pair to me, you both seem happy, my children are happy and I am happy for that…but when it continues to involve me and be thrown in my face with little to no regard for either of your actions I have an issue. No matter what end of day Lion, Scarecrow and Munchkin are MY children and for that reason alone you should put aside your behavior or hey here is a concept consider someones feelings other than your own. All I ask for and ever wanted is some respect for being the MOTHER of three children that are a huge piece of each of our lives. I don't need the continual slaps in the face like getting engaged in the place we honeymooned and you surprised me and took me back to for our 5 year anniversary. I am sorry you show a complete and total lack of respect for me but to expect me to give it freely to you and to her…hard to swallow. I will continue to force the issue of being involved in decisions that affect Lion, Scarecrow and Munchkin. Just because you are getting married does not make you the ultimate decision makers. I have every right to have their care arrangements discussed with me prior to them changing and the numerous other items that you are beginning to make decisions on without my input. The two of you are creating a family, but three of the members of that family are mine and at the end of the day we are going to need to figure out how to make decisions for our children together for the next 18 or so years. You tell me I am the one that has to sleep at night….I sleep just fine. In my opinion that finger should be pointed right back at you. You get upset because I say our children deserve to have a parent at their functions. Scarecrow has always been made to go to all of Lion's activities and you always "coaching" Lion's teams etc. Then when it is finally her turn to shine she has no parent there for her because we are with Lion…I am sorry I think that is wrong and my heart breaks for her to even think she would at all even think that she is not as important to us as Lion. She has made comments to me about that and I remember that first practice when she wanted me to come. I actually teared up at seeing you out there with her coaching her team even though your just assisting. It was long in coming and she was so excited. I know and am glad that Scarecrow loves Dorothy so much, but end of day I feel as her parents, that one of us should be there for her. I think it's really nice that Dorothy would be there for her but at the same time I don't feel it's fair to her to not feel like we care enough to be there. If you don't understand that and want to continue to call me names and all the other crap…that is your choice, but I will never feel bad for feeling that way. I just won't. All I have ever asked is that you show me the respect I deserve as the mother of our children. Until you both can do that, you can't expect me to be the I love you both so much ex wife who just sits there and takes it all without feeling like I have given way more than I am getting in return.

*** What I LOVE most about all this BS....I'm not immature Wizard and I don't make out in public or anything like that and at games we rarely see each other...he's the freaking coach! Twirling my ring...that one was HILRIOUS....my hands were cold at a game and the ring kept sliding in between my fingers and mine and C's actions...well that was because I was trying to spare her feelings about the engagement so we whispered!

Doubts

Ya, it's all because I'm holding the vibe, I know this but it's been REALLY hard to let go of...each time I think I've 'conquered' something it rears it's ugly head to remind me to clean it up....right now nothing is owrking, Wizard is negative, Witch is a bitch, the kids want nothing to do with me and I'm doubting my decision to marry and move in with Wizard and I'm not sure how to get away from it or at least gain clarity around it....I have ZERO time to myself and I just keep beating the same drum OVER and OVER and OVER....how do I get away from that, how do I find my happy place again when right now in this red hot minute it seems like everything sucks!!!

Every freaking game is like sitting through a gyno appt. it's awful, it's stressful and all I want to do is have fun like I did at TinMan's games, we would laugh and watch the game it was a total blast! This just sucks ass! Last night Scarecrow had a softball game, her first game of the season, she was excited....we were excited for her. Her team played her cousin's team, Cousin's parents are Wizard's brother and SIL (love her), they have 3 kids total Cousin 1 (10), Cousin 2 (6) and Cousin 3(2), they're all roughly the same age as Wizard's kids (how cute, sarcasm)...anyway, I have trusted SIL for months now and when I say trusted I mean I've vented to her I've shared things with her and I really thought she was someone that I could trust but last night all that flew out the window. I'm not mad at SIL but I'm hurt, really hurt; Witch came and of course Munchkin wants his mom so I let him out of his stroller to go play with her, she loved him and tried to give him back but he wasn't having it, LOL Anyway, SIL seemed a little 'off' even before Wizard got there but when Witch got there they were chatting up a storm, it was weird for me, i felt sort of stabbed in the back because she barely talked to me (SIL) and ever since things have gone south with Witch I was really surprised. I know that I have to change my focus on all this or it's going to continue to 'eat me alive' and make life even worse but it's so freaking hard, I just want us all to be happy in our lives, I want us to have fun together, love and support each other and the harsh reality is that isn't happening....I have so much 'work' to do around this subject...I know I can make this harmonious for myself if I focus on the harmony long enough....right?!

Engaged

On April 30, 2007 under a full moon on a beach in Cancun Mexico........Wizard propsed.....of course I said yes.....for those of you whoe want ALL the details read below.....

Details....I guess what I can tell you is that was totally unexpected.....We got to Cancun on sunday afternoon and I wasn't feeling well and really he wasnt' either...we both had sinus headaches from the trip; so we took some medicine, ate dinner and then went back to our room to unpack, he put everything in the safe, including my ring which I never saw or even thought to look for, We went to bed early...got up early on Monday, spent the day at that pool and he kept telling me all day how special the day was and I kept thinking ummm ya, spending the day in the pool is special....well sort of because it was alone time...oh and dinner the night before was gross and he felt bad even though he didn't pick the resort he felt bad, I kept telling him that as long as we had some alone time I was happy and thankful....so the whole day was great, then we went up to our room and got ready for dinner....he mentioned a couple of times during the day that he wanted to take a walk on the beach...nothing out of the ordinary because we did that in St. Kitts too....so I was like how about after dinner, I bet will be beautiful and he was all over it.

We went to dinner which was MUCH better than the night before and then we went for our walk and we're walking and chatting and he starts telling me how thankful he is to have me in his life, how amazing I am with the kids, how we've overcome so many challenges and then still had the challenge of adjusting to kid life and he turns me around tells me he loves me kisses me and then drops to his knee....I didn't even hear him ask because I kept saying REALLY, ARE YOU SERIOUS and he asked by saying Dorothy, will you make me the happiest man in the world..will you marry me...I almost knocked my ring out of the box because I jumped up and said yes, LOL Then we walked a little further had a few mins to ourselves and headed back to tell the group....hehe

So I tried to be nice...

Bottom up

-----Original Message-----
From:Witch
Sent: Friday, February 16, 2007 1:04 PM
To: Dorothy
RE: Hello!

Hello Dorothy,

Thank you for the email. I am sorry we missed the opportunity for aformal introduction when you came to urgent care with Wizard. Thank you forsending the email below in response to my email to Wizard and the offering of an apology.

I agree that we have never had words, but do believe there is air to clear and that you and I have been doing that through Wizard. I have not been voicing my concerns about you in quite a while. I have really tried to put the past behind me and move on. I am glad you want to do that also. I am a person...believe or not who doesn't like conflict and is hurt pretty easily (which is why sometimes I protect myself with anger). I guess that is why the fact that you would date a married man left me with a sour taste in my mouth. I am a person who is strong in my beliefs and I have always felt that you (Wizard) had enough love and respect for me at a point in our lives to make promises to me in front of God, our family and friends...that when the love is gone the respect should still be there and a relationship should officially end beforeyou begin something new. So, when I learned of your relationship and got to the bottom of all the mistruths and intentional misleading that was happening I was hurt, angry and questioning not only the person Wizard had become, but the person you were. I always said if it was March 18th and you met and fell in love I would be so fine with it...but the whole dating while we were officially married just sat wrong with me. I have always wanted the best for Wizard and mean that. I love him for being the father of my children, but am not IN love with him...so I am very happy for him that he found you. I think he is very lucky to have someone in his life that makes him happy and you do that. I have moved on and have let go of all the lies that were told about you and your relationship that happened that made me angry at Wizard and you. I just wanted honesty...no games, no lies...just honest communication. I think we are getting closer to that...aside from the incident a few weeks ago.

You mention your son in your email below...I am aware of your situation and all I can say is it is not my place to judge your situation. I as aparent can't imagine what you most go through in your situation. I trust and need to trust that you will continue to consider the best interest of my children before the ease of the relationship...and also your son although much older I appreciate the judgment you have shown.

I believe that you and Wizard never meant to hurt me by starting yourrelationship and lying about it while we were married. Reality is though it hurt...but I don't want to continue to hold a grudge. You seem to be a genuine person in your care for Wizard and your interest in our children. I explained why I felt that way above, so I think enough said on the subject.

My children will never be forced to choose between Wizard and me. That would never happen. My children are my greatest gift...I would never do anything to hurt them intentionally or make them feel as if they had to choose. I have never uttered a poor word about Wizard to them and would never say anything in detail about you to them either. I even sent you a cookie from the blue jackets game...it's a start right?

I meant what I said I want you to be our partner, but honestly I don't want you to try and be their Mom and I know from Wizard you won't and aren't trying to do that. I think Partner is a perfect word...it is parent spelled differently...I don't know what that means really and how it will play out but it's how I feel. I am sure all of our relationships will be defined as we continue our journey together.

I understand how you feel and hope for the same happiness for you. I have seen positive changes in Wizard and appreciate your influence. I look forward to getting to know you better and having you as a partner in our parenting decisions and my children's lives.
I look forward to seeing you tomorrow at the game.

Witch

-----Original Message-----
From: Dorothy
Sent: Thursday, February 15, 2007 2:34 PM
To: Witch
Subject: RE: Hello!

Hi Witch,
I know we haven't been formally introduced but I wanted to 'respond' to your email below because I feel much the same way you do on many levels. Even though you and I have never had 'words' but we both know that we've never been very positive toward each other and I would like that to end, to let the past be the past as you said below. The important people here are the children both yours and mine. I have a very unique situation with my son not everyone knows or understands that situation or that I always put his best interest before my own as I will do and have done for your children.

I appreciate the apology that you have given Wizard and I and would like to offer one of my own for the pain that our relationship has caused you; believe or not that wasn't and isn't our intent. A life filled with laughter, partnership, love and happiness is what we both wish for you and the person that you chose to be a part of your life, the children and ourselves. I know that's probably very weird sounding coming from your ex-husband's girlfriend but it is genuine. I know that you and I will never be 'friends' but like you said below I really hope that wecan be 'partners' in the future; I personally don't ever want your children to feel like they have to chose between you and I or Wizard and whomever you live your life with; they don't have too, we will each bring something different to the table that will enrich their lives in away that we never thought possible. I really appreciate what you said below and have taken it to heart.

Dorothy

Valentine's Day

Last night we did have a great time with the kids; I loved every second of playing when them and helping them write out their valentine's for their party on Friday. Munchkin sat on my lap most of the time and wrote his own valentine, LOL It was so freaking cute he and I were having a jibberish conversation; and we were laughing and playing all of us and that's what I need to focus on.

When it came to the seeing them play softball in the basement I shut down, i'm not sure why but I did, i felt myself do it immediately and now that I look at it I could've handled it better but the sense that I got from Wizard was that he wanted me to be over joyed with what was going on and honestly at that moment I couldn't be, the girls looked like they were having a blast and Wizard says all they wanted from me was a 'good job' or 'wow, you're really good' but I wasn't able to give that to them and partly because I felt pressured to give it to them, does that make sense?! So, in the end Lion ended up sensing that something was 'wrong' and that I was 'mad' at Wizard but I wasn't mad just upset and it had little to do with sports and everything to do with him still focusing on clothes and matching and public opinion.

Which tells me that I have some work to do inside and so does he; so when he called last night we talked about what happened in the basement and I feel better about that and feel like I can focus on the fun and the love of the game that the girls have because they REALLY do love playing that game; I could see it in their eyes last night. Scarecrow was very excited to be playing and hitting with the pitching machine and Lion is a determined girl and can really hit the ball!! Munchkin even tried to get in the game, LOL

What still was bothering me was the whole matching glove/hat and jeans thing and after he finished talking about the basement and how he felt I explained how he made me feel....when first thing he says to me when I get in the car is 'why didn't wear the hat that matches your gloves' and 'public appearance, couldn't you have worn jeans'; I cried when I asked him if he loved me for me and he wonders why I'm questioning his love because lately all he's focused on are the clothes, etc. He apologized and asked me to help him and guide him and so that's what I'm going to do and I'm hoping he'll do the same for me in regards to knowing I'm a great parent and step parent and knowing that the kids do enjoy what they're doing and just want someone to watch and encourage and for now I'm going to focus on the love we all had for one another and laughter that we had at that table and add TinMan to that mix and I think we'll make a beautiful family....

When Witch tried to be nice...

----- Original Message -----
From: Witch
To: Wizard
Sent: Tue Jan 30 11:03:09 2007
Subject: Hello!

Wizard,
I have been doing a lot of thinking over the last week, really since you went off on me about what a horrible mother I am and everything else. I want you to know that at the end of the day all I want is for us to live our lives, find happiness and take care of our children the best way we possible can. I don't want animosity, hurt, games or holding on to the past to get in the way of that…it has always been our priority since we had children and we need that to continue to be the case. I think we have done a really fine job at making sure our children are well. I think we can further that by letting go of the anger, the bad feelings and mistakes of our past. We have both moved on in a direction that is for the better. You have found happiness with Dorothy and I too am happy in my life for the first time in a very long, long time.

I have always said and it is still true today that I will always love you because you are the father of my children, but that I am not in love with you…big difference and one that I want to embrace. You are a part of my life and I care about you and only want good things to happen for you. I know that I probably haven't been overly supportive, well that's an understatement, of your relationship with Dorothy, and I apologize for that. I was allowing the fact that she came into your life and you allowed it to happen at a time that we were still married. As you know that was rough for me…then when you lied for so long and played games and tried to get my friends to make me believe something that wasn't true it just made those feelings even stronger. I am letting go of all of those negative feelings as I don't need them, you don't need them and our children don't need them. It is the past and that is where it should stay.

I want you to have all the happiness you can. I want Dorothy to be our partner (on the same page with our wants, discipline, etc.) with the children. I do not want her to feel like an outsider looking in. I know she will never be there Mom and that you and I will always be the primary and final decision makers, but eventual if she is an everyday part of their life as their step-mother she will be an important ingredient in raising our children and I want that to be a relationship that can nourish and enrich their lives for all that she will bring to the table.
I just want to bring closure to all the bad….embrace the good that we have managed to have since our divorce and move on in our lives supporting each other as parents, our children and the new directions our lives are taking.

So, I am sorry for whatever unhappiness, anger and hurt I have caused you and Dorothy…I really do hope that you will both be very happy….when it comes a long which it doesn't very often in a lifetime, we should embrace it and cherish it…..

really meeting the kids this time...

Ok…finally I'm taking a moment to type up the dissertation that is meeting Wizard's kids :)

To say that I was nervous is an understatement a lot of things depend on this meeting going well and while I know I’m a good person and get along almost everyone I was still worried that one or both of these children would find fault with me because I wasn't their mother. Wizard even commented last night when we were on the phone at how nervous I looked; I guess before I could see them he could see me through a window and said I looked nervous more nervous than he's ever seen me. Which is really funny because when I met A and S I was really nervous because they're like family to him so I felt there was a lot riding on that too but in reality there wasn't and we get along great. I also tend to put lots of pressure on myself in these situations to be 'perfect' and then I compare what I thought I should've been feeling to what I really felt and then beat myself up about it; I know…STOP and I did but not without help. Anyway, on to the actual meeting….For Lion (9) and Scarecrow (6) this was our first meeting and for Munchkin (19months) well I've seen him a few times and always have a blast with him, how can I not, LOL Lion and Scarecrow were both very talkative which sort of surprised me; I didn't expect it from Scarecrow because she was so apprehensive in the beginning but she was chatty Cathy and very funny. Lion was also very talkative but it was different than Scarecrow, I don't know to describe it, the interaction between the three of us was fun and full of laughter, I felt at ease most of the time we were there; we all parent differently and that is my adjustment to make and understand. They did a few things that I had 'issues' with but nothing that was over the top; they're siblings and siblings fight but I've never experienced that since I'm an only child (until I was 19 at least) and TinMan is an only child in the sense that when he's with me it's just us and when I is there and they do fight I handle things differently than other Parents.

Overall they're good hearted and good natured kids and we had a great time playing Uno for about two hours in McDonald's, LOL The first few games were just the girls and I while Wizard fed Munchkin but then Wizard got in the game and I watched Lion do her best to beat her dad, LOL It was funny but knowing how competitive they are it bothered me a little, Scarecrow and I just sat back and were like 'it's just a game of Uno people' and had fun. Munchkin was hilarious; while we were playing Uno Wizard took him out of his high chair and sat him in between the two of us and he was all over the place but then I started zerberting (sp) him and he was ALL over me, it was so funny!!! At one point he held my head to his face and wouldn't let go, LOL During one game of Uno we all tried to beat Wizard…which we won, LOL That was funny and there were funny comments like when we were trying to stop Lion from going out and I reversed the play of the game and Scarecrow said 'you messed up now she can go out', it was funny….and adorable the way she said it with honesty, frustration and then when I explained the 'thought' behind it she was like OH and Scarecrow ultimately won.

I had a great time with them but like Wizard and I have talked about we both built up this meeting to be something huge and it was a huge step but the pressure and expectations that we both had were built up to high and when I did feel all giddy/girly and overwhelmed with joy I felt like I had done something 'wrong' but after talking to Cougar and Wizard I feel much better about the meeting overall and know that there is more to come from here forward and that while I'll never be there mom; and honestly I don't want to be their mom I can be a positive female influence in their lives and that's all I can ask for…..>

Had a busy friday both at work and home but it was good both ways. We celebrated Poodle 1 birthday last night with the band...I say we but she wasn't feeling well so we included Cougar, Poodle 2, me and Horse Whisperer which was a blast! I had a lot of fun last night just shaking my bootay and not really drinking, i had 2 maybe 3 drinks but water in between, i'm too old to repeat the 'food poisoning' again, I feel great today, got home early 1ish and had a blast so I feel it was a good night.

I'm still reaching for the best feelings I can about the whole weight/body thing, yesterday i HAD to go buy a new pair of jeans so that I have a pair that look nice because all my other jeans don't look so nice...so I 'beat' myself up about that a bit but then let it go and said you know what, i'm beautiful inside and out...fuck what size my jeans are as long as I feel good in them and as soon as I said that I had a blast, i didn't care and all was good....need to do that more often. I'm allowing that 'heavy' comment to dig in deep and I really want to just care what I think about the whole thing which I know my feelings so I'm going to keep reaching for better feeling thoughts and trusting that it will come and let it go!

TinMan had his friend spent the night last night so they were here while I was out, I worried a bit but they were fine :) and of course had more fun with me being gone than if I were here and now they're playing xbox...I just don't get the 'gaming' thing, everyone has their thing so I don't complain, they're both good kids and instead of wanting to be out in the streets they're playing video games so I'm thankful! I thought I would make breakfast but they're not up for it so....that's nice I can do other things, like clean, LOL

No More Drama

Yep, i finally did it...I'm posting at home, LOL ; The beauty of all that is I'm finally positng and feeling little to no anger and some relief when it comes to recent events....I haven't spoke to my mom in two days...and I have no real intentions to talk to her other than when I drop off/pick up TinMan tomorrow. I've all but said its my way I'm not arguing and thats it. I've had a short and vague talk with TinMan and explained my position and he explained his.....he likes it here (our house), loves Wizard and the kids...the 'problem' is that he's not connecting with the kids at school...the good part is that he really doesn't care, feels that some of them aren't worthy of his friendship because they're rude and mean....then 'bad' is that he's not willing to open himself up to friendships...he has one friend and this kid is a good kid and good friend but I'd like to see TinMan branch out a little more...I know, I know, give him time but its hard! I know he'll be fine but my heart still broke when he told me that kids were calling him shorty and gay...not sure about the gay part but whatever. I asked if it were a problem and he said no. I asked about the guys from the football team and he said most are nice but there are a few that act like he doesn't exist when he talks to them....high school never changes.....just hurts more when its my kid :

At home its been a great weekend, we've had nothing to do so Saturday I took Lion to spend her gift cards, we had lunch and then the whole family went bowling :) It was a blast, all the kids had fun, including Munchkin. I helped him bowl but left my camera at home...grrrr. There were some really great moments too. TinMan and Wizard were within 4 points of each other...Wizard won. Then we hung out at home and one of our neighbors came over with her daughter, she is Munchkin's age and boy oh boy do they love each other! They are so cute and have so much fun. Wizard played with the big kids and C and I played with the wee ones and had a glass of wine ;) It was a nice evening. My original plan was to meet the girls out but I decided to stay home...how things change ;)

Today was take down the tree day....mostly done. The tree in the family room is down but now I have the giant tree left, all the decorations are put away which is a relief and the house is feeling 'normal' again. I'm looking forward to tomorrow night and spending time with friends out, it'll be fun.

This year has been a year of change for me all good, some changes harder to deal with than others but all of them good. I'm looking forward to 2008 being a year of growth and accomplishments....Happy New Year!